Angela Kennecke: 0:07

As the United States faces its deadliest drug epidemic in history, lives are being lost in some unimaginable ways. Over the last couple of decades, more than 5, 000 children and teens have died from overdoses involving fentanyl. Some of the victims are still alive. toddlers, and babies. You may have heard about the tragic case of a one year old who died after authorities say he came into contact with fentanyl at a New York daycare.

Adriana Diaz: 0:35

Now to a very alarming story here in New York City. Allegations that two people distributed the deadly drug fentanyl inside a daycare center, and the toddler died after being poisoned by it. The suspects are now facing federal charges.

Angela Kennecke: 0:50

But many other deaths don't make national headlines. Today on Grieving Out Loud, hear from a woman who lost not only her son to drugs, but also her 10 month old granddaughter. People don't think about these innocent victims of the opioid crisis.

Janan Haugen: 1:07

No, no, they don't. You know, they talk about overdoses and fentanyl poisoning and all those kinds of things. But when they say that it affects the whole family, it truly does.

Angela Kennecke: 1:20

For I'm Angela Kenecke and you're listening to Grieving Out Loud. I started this podcast along with the non profit Emily's Hope after losing my 21 year old daughter Emily to fentanyl poisoning. My hope is that this episode gives you deeper insight into addiction, our nation's drug crisis, and how even in the face of the unimaginable, you can still move forward with faith, hope, and courage. Well, Janann, welcome to Grieving Out Loud. I am glad that I've met you here at the DEA Family Fentanyl Summit. I am a little shocked by your story, actually. And I think people don't always think about the innocent victims of fentanyl. And you have lost a granddaughter. You have lost a son. Can you start from the beginning of your story with your son?

Janan Haugen: 2:23

My son was very kind, generous, easy to forgive. He was very intelligent, but I think he struggled with fitting in, finding where he fit in. It was important for him to be popular, be accepted, that type of thing. And so he worked at not being identified as, for the lack of a better word, a nerd.

Angela Kennecke: 2:59

Janann says Dustin's need to fit in pushed him to make poor choices and hang out with people who encouraged even worse behavior. Sadly, this isn't unusual. The National Library of Medicine notes that 80 percent of teens begin smoking because of peer pressure and 75 percent try alcohol for the same reason.

Janan Haugen: 3:22

He abused alcohol at an early age, which ultimately led to other things as he got older. But he went to college and he admittedly abused alcohol. And I think through that, he probably became addicted to drugs or tried drugs for the first time. Around college age. Yeah. Yeah. So, and he was educated as to the effects of drugs. He was aware. But as we all know, when you abuse alcohol, You do not process or think things through in a logical or sensible and make good choices.

Angela Kennecke: 4:10

Janann says Dustin's deepening battle with substance use disorder began affecting his grades and ultimately caused him to drop out of college.

Janan Haugen: 4:21

He came back home and started an apprenticeship. He became a high voltage electrician, but through his addictions and that kind of thing, then he was not able to follow through on that because of losing his license. And if you don't have a license, then you don't have a transportation for your job. Did he lose his license because of a substance use

Angela Kennecke: 4:49

disorder? Yeah. Right. Right. So he was really struggling. Dustin went through several different treatment programs, but nothing seemed to work long term.

Janan Haugen: 5:02

One thing I see as a problem is with insurance, they have a progression as to what type of treatment they will pay for. Insurance dictates

Angela Kennecke: 5:14

what treatment people can get and

Janan Haugen: 5:16

how long. Yes, they don't look at the individual and where they're at in their addiction. Everyone's kind of, shall I say, pigeonholed. And they have to follow the same progression. So if you have someone that has been addicted for a number of years and has never been in trouble with the law or been, you know, charged with any aspect of that, they will have to start at the beginning of that progression. If you have someone that, like I said, has been addicted for several years, they will The insurance companies do not tend to want to pay for long term treatment, and the normal person cannot afford to pay for that treatment.

Angela Kennecke: 6:02

And you feel like Dustin needed long term treatment.

Janan Haugen: 6:04

I know he needed long term treatment. And did he ever get it?

Angela Kennecke: 6:08

So sorry.

Janan Haugen: 6:09

If you go for a 30 day treatment, that's enough time to get, the drugs out of your system, but you can need long term treatment in order for the brain to heal so that the thought process changes.

Angela Kennecke: 6:25

How difficult was this on you and your family, with Dustin going through all of this?

Janan Haugen: 6:30

Extremely, because, you know, you love your child, and you know what, He's capable of and what kind of a life he can have and you want to do everything you can to help them and he wanted to be sober and change his life around, but he didn't have that resource or that opportunity to go for long term treatment and Iowa at that time did not have a lot of long term treatment facilities that didn't cater to a certain type of person. And as an adult, especially adults, their parents do not have those options to intervene on a lot of levels unless it's to commit them, but even at that, you're still restricted then by the insurance and limited treatments. It's

Angela Kennecke: 7:28

like banging your head against the wall. You've got an adult child who is struggling, and It's so hard to get them help. It's so hard to get them to want help. Janann says her son was not only struggling with a meth and opioid addiction, but also mental health issues. Despite his challenges, he had two children who he deeply loved. But then a tragedy struck his family, making Dustin's condition even worse.

Janan Haugen: 8:06

Well, there's multiple things that came into play. One was his son was diagnosed with a severe illness.

Angela Kennecke: 8:16

Your grandson?

Janan Haugen: 8:16

Yes. And then a year later, he lost his daughter as a result of her mother's addictions. So

Angela Kennecke: 8:27

let's talk about this. Let's talk about your granddaughter. Her name was Aurora?

Janan Haugen: 8:30

Yes. She was 10 months old when she passed away. We had custody of her at the time, and when she died, of course they do autopsies. Did she die in your home? Yes. With you? Yes, I was the one that found her.

Angela Kennecke: 8:47

Oh my goodness. At the time of Aurora's death, Janann had custody because both of Aurora's parents were struggling with substance use disorder.

Janan Haugen: 9:03

She was born in December. We got temporary custody of her in March. And they were both going through the process and recovery and that kind of thing. And then in October, My son, Aurora's father, was told that if everything kept going like it was, he would have full custody of her in February. And she died the next month in November. So,

Angela Kennecke: 9:32

her mother had used drugs while she was pregnant. Right. What kind of drugs? Opioids, primarily. So she was born addicted to opioids. Yeah. And you were taking care of her. Did you experience that? issues with her? Does she have problems?

Janan Haugen: 9:48

No, because when you have temporary custody like that, you're required to take them to, you know, consistent medical checkups and progressive development checkups. And she was on the mark for all those things. So she was doing okay? She was doing okay. The only thing, you know, hindsight that we noticed, not realizing at the time, because she was so young, But there was a couple of times where she threw her head back, but now we're thinking maybe it was a minor seizure.

Angela Kennecke: 10:28

With no knowledge of any serious health issue, aside from being born addicted to opioids, Janann was extremely shocked when she found her granddaughter dead in her crib.

Janan Haugen: 10:42

I'd taken her to the doctor the day before because she had a cold. So I stayed home from work that day. And she hadn't gotten up, hadn't walked, you know, made any noise, hadn't heard anything from the monitor or anything, and I went in to check on her, and she was gone. And her father was, uh, her son was living with us at the time, and I must have yelled or screamed or something because he came running, and he was, uh, devastated.

Angela Kennecke: 11:13

I'm sure you all were. And ultimately, why did Aurora die? I

Janan Haugen: 11:19

Through the autopsy, they discovered that her brain matter was mixed. You have your gray matter and white matter, which are supposed to be separate. Hers were mixed though she died of a seizure as a result of that, but her brain matter being mixed was ultimately caused by her mother's drug use while she was pregnant.

Angela Kennecke: 11:42

Wow. People don't think about these innocent victims of the opioid crisis.

Janan Haugen: 11:48

No, no, they don't. You know, they talk about overdoses and fentanyl poisoning and all those kinds of things. But when they say that it affects the whole family, It truly does.

Angela Kennecke: 12:10

Sadly, that was unbearably true for Janan's family. Less than three years after Aurora's death, her mother died, followed by her father a year later. I mean, It has ravaged your family.

Janan Haugen: 12:27

Yeah. It's, it's hard afterwards coming to terms or trying to understand, you know, why. For my son, it wasn't that he wasn't educated and didn't understand the consequences of drugs. He had a lot of regrets. In the end, so he died just a few years after his

Angela Kennecke: 12:50

daughter. Was he grieving that time? Oh, yes Yes, and grief has a lot to do with addiction. It's the root of most addictions grief

Janan Haugen: 12:59

Yeah. Well, and mental health, I think. Trauma. Yeah. I don't think he ever got through that grief, you know, to where it was manageable. As a parent, I don't think you ever get over the grief of losing a child. You get to the point where you manage it.

Angela Kennecke: 13:19

Right. I think you're right. So did you have any indication he was going to die? Or were you worried he was going to die? What was happening?

Janan Haugen: 13:27

We had to written a letter that we were going to take to the judge to get him into long term treatment and have him committed to long term treatment. We had committed him a few years ago to treatment, but it was only a 30 day treatment. And he came out and it was my son. You know, we had wonderful conversations and things like that. But then you get drawn into the same kind of people again.

Angela Kennecke: 13:57

People, places, things. That's what I always hear in drug court. You can't go back to people, places, and things.

Janan Haugen: 14:02

Right. And so he struggled. He was trying to do what he could to turn his life around. He was trying to get help from the doctors. He had Hepatitis C, but the insurance would not pay for that. There's two different types of treatment for Hepatitis C. One is a 12 week, and one is, I believe, a 12 day. But the shorter treatment, the insurance would not cover it. They would only cover the long term treatment, but you had to be Sober for six months. He'd make it six months and schedule the appointment with his doctor to get started on the treatment. And it takes two months to get into the doctor, say, and so by the time he was able to get to an appointment, he'd relapsed. Well then he's got to start over again. There's another example of insurance judging and stigma and shame behind addiction. You know, because other diseases, you'll get treatment right away. You're right. Whether it's cancer or heart disease or whatever.

Angela Kennecke: 15:24

Janann believes both Hepatitis C and her son's substance use disorder played a role in his death. But what ultimately claimed Dustin's life, may be something you haven't heard of. Serotonin syndrome. Dustin didn't realize he was suffering from this potentially life threatening condition, which happens when there's an overload of serotonin in the brain. I asked

Janan Haugen: 15:47

her doctor. But there's no way to actually test for serotonin syndrome without taking a biopsy of the brain. The only thing they have to go on as far as diagnosing that is, like, symptoms. But if you don't know it exists, and you don't know that you're having those symptoms, how are you going to know what to ask the questions? But

Angela Kennecke: 16:11

you can link all of it back to his substance use disorder, to the drug use now. Yeah, now. Now, ultimately leading to his death. And, you know, it doesn't get recorded as an overdose. It doesn't get recorded as a drug death. We have so many deaths in this country. heart failure, serotonin syndrome, all caused by drugs,

Janan Haugen: 16:29

right? Well, and see him dying of serotonin syndrome, he was being treated with prescription medication for him to deal with the anxiety and the depression and all those types of things. But now, knowing that the benefits of those medications were not working for him because they were not being processed. in his system. So he's still struggling with anxiety and depression and everything. So then he's trying to self medicate so that he feels quote unquote normal. So everything, the opioids, the prescription medication, everything that he was trying to do to help himself was actually contributing to the serotonin.

Angela Kennecke: 17:20

Ultimately killed him.

Janan Haugen: 17:21

Ultimately killed him. Yeah.

Angela Kennecke: 17:29

Even though Dustin was suffering from a couple of diseases, Janan says his death came as a sudden shock. She was in the same room as him going about what seemed like a regular day. When Dustin quietly took his last breath.

Janan Haugen: 17:44

He was laying on the couch and I was doing some cleaning and things like that. And he just, he stopped breathing. Just died? Yeah, he had fentanyl in his system, methamphetamine, THC.

Angela Kennecke: 17:57

But that's not what killed him?

Janan Haugen: 17:58

No. Wow. It contributed to his death. Sure,

Angela Kennecke: 18:02

sure. But,

Janan Haugen: 18:03

simply because they all create serotonin in your body.

Angela Kennecke: 18:07

So, you lost your son, you lost your granddaughter, all because of drugs.

Janan Haugen: 18:11

Mm hmm.

Angela Kennecke: 18:13

How do you cope with that?

Janan Haugen: 18:15

Um, you're trying to understand what went wrong, where it went wrong. A lot of these young people, people dying of overdose or substance related deaths, they're unbelievable people. I mean, just understanding that the addictions do not define who. These people are one common, you know, factor that I've found just in reading other people's stories and stuff there. These people that we've lost are oftentimes very kind, big hearted, generous type of people that would do anything for someone else.

Angela Kennecke: 19:02

And often sensitive and often very talented at whatever that, sometimes they're athletes, sometimes they're artists like my daughter. We've lost so many young people that are amazing people. But it gets sort of whittled away down to drugs, right?

Janan Haugen: 19:17

Yeah, that's, oh, you know, they were a loser or whatever derogatory term people want to put on it. When I hear those types of things, I feel that they just don't understand what addiction is about.

Angela Kennecke: 19:32

How does grief show up for you? I mean, how do you cope with your grief?

Janan Haugen: 19:36

Well, I spend a lot of time with my grandson. I see a lot of my son in my grandson. And how's he doing? Well, I made sure that he got some therapy so that he could work through that whole process. So he had someone to talk to outside of the family. You know, that was unbiased, I guess, or didn't have specific opinions of what went wrong or who his father was or, you know, that type of thing so that he could talk openly about how he felt or what he thought.

Angela Kennecke: 20:11

And how old is he now?

Janan Haugen: 20:12

He is 15.

Angela Kennecke: 20:13

And how's he doing?

Janan Haugen: 20:14

He's doing well.

Angela Kennecke: 20:15

That's good.

Janan Haugen: 20:16

Planning to, I think, at this point, go into the medical field and possibly some type of mental health.

Angela Kennecke: 20:23

Yeah. Well, his life has been impacted by it.

Janan Haugen: 20:26

Yeah. Yeah.

Angela Kennecke: 20:27

And you have other children as well.

Janan Haugen: 20:29

Yes, I have a younger son, and he's doing very well. A lot of people, I think, that don't understand addiction feel that There was something wrong with the parenting that the parents didn't follow through somehow or whatever

Angela Kennecke: 20:45

parents get blamed

Janan Haugen: 20:46

Yeah, again, that's the stigma and the shame that go along with addiction We call it a disease, but a lot of people do not recognize it as a disease But yeah, my youngest our youngest son is doing very well. He is now 32 In the process of moving, he's an insurance auditor. So,

Angela Kennecke: 21:08

do

Janan Haugen: 21:08

you spend a

Angela Kennecke: 21:08

lot of time thinking about everything that's happened in your family and dealing with your own grief?

Janan Haugen: 21:15

Yeah, you, well, I think one of the hardest parts is as a parent you think about what I could have, what I've should have done, you know. Hindsight

Angela Kennecke: 21:27

is 20 20, and then you are not in control. Especially of an adult child.

Janan Haugen: 21:31

Exactly, you know. But you, I guess, overanalyze everything from the time that they were born to the time they became an adult. And just the memories that you have and the struggles that they had growing up and understanding maybe What was going on at that time? You know, was it something that I should have handled differently? You know, those types of things.

Angela Kennecke: 22:07

Janann eventually found some healing by connecting with other mothers who had lost children in the drug epidemic. She joined a Facebook group called Hashtag Not In Vain.

Janan Haugen: 22:17

Through Not In Vain, I found some more mothers locally that have lost their children. Yeah, just being with people that understand and can relate with the things that you're dealing with on a day to day basis.

Angela Kennecke: 22:33

PGA Champion Sally started the group after losing her 24 year old daughter, Christina, in 2017. Tragically, less than four years later She lost her other daughter, 31 year old Ashley, to fentanyl poisoning. She's been a guest on Grieving Out Loud twice, once before Ashley died, and then afterwards. Here's a moment from her second appearance where she talks about the heartbreaking loss of her second daughter.

PJ Champion Sallie: 23:00

She was supposedly clean for two years. and she got, I didn't know she had a kidney infection. And I know exactly why it was New Year's Eve. Think about it. New Year's Eve, you're wanting to celebrate with your boyfriend. You've got a kidney infection. You can't get to a doctor to get a prescription. So what are you going to do? You know how to get perks off the street for the pain, right? So she went and got a perk set or I don't know, you know, I don't know.

Angela Kennecke: 23:30

It's still under investigation. Now, Let's talk about stigma for a minute because your obituary that you wrote for your daughter Just well your first one you were so open and honest and that really snowballed when you lost Christina Four years ago has it been four years

PJ Champion Sallie: 23:44

since Chris and I I was at such a good place We blaming so much for the coming year And, um, I, I was really in, in a place where I had felt Christina with me all the time. Her daughter did. We were both just in a very great place and, and to, to lose another one. almost four years in. Yeah, it's, it just, it set me back to square one for sure. And maybe worse because I was grieving Christine all over again too.

Angela Kennecke: 24:24

Have you lost a loved one to overdose or fentanyl poisoning? I'd like to invite you to share their story on our new Emily's Hope Memorial website called More Than Just a Number. They were our children, siblings, cousins, husbands, wives, aunts, uncles, and and friends. So much more than just a number. You can submit a memorial today on more than just a number dot org. And your poor granddaughter, I mean, it's just her life was so short and it's just so hard to accept.

Janan Haugen: 24:59

Yeah, it's, that death was really, we did everything we could and it was out of our control, you know, but it's always hard to accept.

Angela Kennecke: 25:10

Yes.

Janan Haugen: 25:11

She had a smile for everybody, you know, she was. easiest baby to take care of.

Angela Kennecke: 25:19

I think when we look on the fentanyl wall at the DEA or just to see her picture, you know, you're showing the picture of your granddaughter. People don't think about the innocent victims, the children.

Janan Haugen: 25:28

Well, I've been asked several times because we talk about overdose, and then they see her picture. Well, how could she have died of an overdose? You know, they don't stop to realize, like you said, that it can affect everyone. It even affects the innocent children. you know, that are exposed, whether it's through pregnancy or whether it's living healthy children.

Angela Kennecke: 25:57

Right. And getting into fentanyl in the home somehow. Right. Right. Well, I am so very sorry for all that you've had to deal with. I am really grateful for you sharing your story today.

Janan Haugen: 26:09

Well, thank you for having me. You know, if we don't share our stories, I guess we can't expect anything to change. so much.

Angela Kennecke: 26:17

Right? It's very important to talk about it and share your story, and that does help facilitate change.

Janan Haugen: 26:23

Well, and I'd really like to see our society start to recognize mental health the same way as we do physical health.

Angela Kennecke: 26:33

Right? The diseases of the brain. We're talking about,

Janan Haugen: 26:35

it's not the disease of a body, it's the disease of the brain. Your whole body. Your whole body health. Yes. You know, because, you know, even when our children start school. They are expected to go through periodic physicals for physical health, but we do not address our brain health the same way. I would like to see our children see a counselor periodically or be evaluated periodically. Not to say that there's anything to be concerned about, but maybe that would help prevent it. or diagnose something in advance so that these children know how to deal with it and learn how to deal with it over the years as they grow, as opposed to finding out as an adult. Both of my children had attention deficit disorder, but they were never diagnosed as children.

Angela Kennecke: 27:32

And then that's where the self medicating can come in. Yeah. Right, right, right. Well, thank you. It's a, it's a wonderful message that you have that we do need to do a better job of. Recognizing mental health as a disease, addiction and mental health as a disease of the brain and spotting it earlier, screening for it, those kinds of things. Yes.

Janan Haugen: 27:51

Yes. Thank you for having me.

Angela Kennecke: 27:56

Thank you for listening to this episode of Grieving Out Loud. Join us next week for a special episode on International Podcast Day, September 30th. We're digging through our nearly 200 episodes of Grieving Out Loud to bring you some of the most helpful insights and advice for anyone navigating grief.

Lynn Gillette: 28:15

I have to tell myself that this is how it was going to be. Jason was meant to be in their life for 44 years. Annie was meant to be in their life for 44 years. And if they weren't able to continue their lives here on earth, that I'm here to help continue the work that they started. And when I think about it like that, like this is how it was supposed to be. It doesn't mean Jason was supposed to die and Annie was supposed to die and they were supposed to have these awful challenges. but it does bring me some peace that I'm here.

Angela Kennecke: 28:54

I'll also share insights I've gained on my journey to becoming a certified grief educator. Again, that new episode comes out September 30th. Until then, wishing you faith, hope, and courage. This podcast is produced by Casey Wannenberg King and Kaylee Fitz.