Hans Arwine: 0:07

That was the hardest thing I ever knew was to tell his mother. He was no longer with us.

Laurie Arwine: 0:12

I saw him walk through the doors. And he just had this pained look in his eyes. And I said, what is it? And he said, Bailey is gone.

Angela Kennecke: 0:25

This heartbreaking scene is tragically familiar across the U. S. Parents receiving the devastating news that their children have died from fentanyl poisoning. In the United States, nearly 300 people lose their lives to drugs every day.

Hans Arwine: 0:41

The most disappointing thing to me is that he didn't get a chance to live his life. He's just starting.

Angela Kennecke: 0:47

As families like the Arwines struggle with their grief, the drug dealers who are behind these tragedies rarely face consequences. Today, we're talking with Hans and Lori Arwine about the devastating loss of their son and their quest for justice in his name. This is Grieving Out Loud. I'm your host, Angela Kenecke. If you or someone you know is struggling with substance use disorder or mental health issues, it's so important to seek help right away. You can find a list of resources on our website, emilyshope. charity. We've posted a link in the show notes of this podcast. And please don't wait. As you'll hear in today's episode, with the fentanyl crisis, waiting even just one more day can be truly devastating. Well, Hans and Lori, thank you so much for joining me on Grieving Out Loud here from the DEA Family Fentanyl Summit in Iowa. Really great to meet you. I am sorry that we meet under these circumstances, however. Thank you for including us, inviting us, and glad to share

Hans Arwine: 2:00

his story. Same for me. Thank you very much.

Angela Kennecke: 2:02

Well, let's talk about your son, Bailey. Tell me about him and tell me a little bit about your family. Bailey was our

Laurie Arwine: 2:09

youngest son. He was our blessing baby. We have two older children, Brandon and Brittany, and then we found out that we were pregnant again when our daughter was 10. And so, we were thrilled to have another baby. And Bailey was just the light of our life. He was an excellent athlete, a natural athlete. in basketball and track. By his junior year, he scored a thousand points in basketball. Wow. Yeah. He was just a great athlete. He was a three time state champion in track, and he was just probably our most easy, laid back child. We kind of called him our gentle giant. He was 6'5 Tall like his dad.

Hans Arwine: 2:52

Wow. Yes.

Laurie Arwine: 2:54

And he would be anyone's friend. You know, he always cared about people. He, like, went for the underdog. You know, helped people in need. Just was a great guy.

Hans Arwine: 3:04

Never heard him say a bad thing about anyone.

Laurie Arwine: 3:06

Nope.

Hans Arwine: 3:07

Ever. He never did that.

Laurie Arwine: 3:09

He never judged anyone. He didn't want anyone to judge him. Mm mm.

Angela Kennecke: 3:20

But at 22 years old, Hans and Lori noticed their son seemed to be going through a rough patch. He had moved out of the house and in with his two nephews.

Laurie Arwine: 3:30

He didn't quite know what he wanted to do in life. He had a girlfriend at the time. They had been dating for six years and they kind of broke up because he was trying to figure life out. After six years, he had a

Angela Kennecke: 3:42

breakup

Laurie Arwine: 3:43

and that's hard. It is. Yeah. So he's dealing with that. And of course he was, you know, went through COVID trying to do college through COVID and that didn't work out for him. So he was just trying to figure out what he wanted to do in life.

Hans Arwine: 3:57

I mean, the breakup with his girlfriend, the change in his life was different. in the school. So that's where, with the COVID and dropping out of school, he didn't know what he wanted

Angela Kennecke: 4:06

to do. Feeling a little lost, maybe, you know, his whole world. And we all felt lost during COVID, right?

Hans Arwine: 4:11

But I wouldn't say it was depressed, necessarily. Well, not in that manner, but just trying to figure things out and that type of stuff.

Angela Kennecke: 4:25

Even though their son was going through what they call a slump, Hans never expected what would come next. While at work, he received a phone call from police, asking him to come to his house immediately.

Hans Arwine: 4:38

I drove around the corner and I could see there was a police car there and another car, so I knew it wasn't good. It was either Lori or Bailey. I knew something bad had happened. I didn't know which one it was, but when they told me it was Bailey, it was a big shock, just cause he's, you know, 22 years old and The night before, we were blessed because we were able to go out to eat with him, or his nephew that he's living with, his cousin, so we'd just seen him. So that was, you know, great that we got to be able to do that, but I had to do the hardest thing I could do in my life after I heard that, was I had to drive 20 miles down the road to where she works, and tell her what happened. So, that was very difficult. My neighbor's a police officer, so he was just leaving to go to work, so he was there. When he seen what was happening and he just stayed back and he said he actually followed me to the school I didn't even know he was behind me. But yeah, that was the hardest thing I ever knew was tell his mother He was no longer with us. Yeah

Laurie Arwine: 5:42

I'm a secretary at a school and I saw him walk through the doors And he just had this pain look in his eyes, and I said, what is it? And he said Bailey is gone and I fell to the ground. It was just You You just don't know how to handle that news, you're in shock, you're in denial, um, those words haunt me, I just, I pray he never comes and visits me at school again. I

Hans Arwine: 6:14

always warn her, if I'm gonna stop for some reason, I give her a call first thing in the day. I bet,

Angela Kennecke: 6:19

because it is so traumatizing, and I am so sorry.

Laurie Arwine: 6:23

It is, and it's just was, you don't know what to do.

Angela Kennecke: 6:27

Your whole world is shattered, and the rug has been pulled out from under you.

Laurie Arwine: 6:31

It is.

Hans Arwine: 6:33

So, from there, it's just kind of a blur until you get down the road a ways. You don't have any choice to be in that situation. You're, you're in it and you can't get out of it and you don't want to be, you know, even go through, why wasn't it me or something, you know, cause the most disappointing thing to me is he didn't get a chance to live his life. He's just starting. Right. So, and to that point of accomplishments and Lori mentioned in sports and whatnot, he was phenomenal athlete. But I think overall through that beginning process was we heard the same thing from numerous people over and over and over didn't even know each other because we had two communities involved because we moved that, you know, his kindness to others and respecting others. And we just heard the same basic story over and over and over. So that was, if anything, It was refreshing to hear them.

Angela Kennecke: 7:27

Did you have any indication something like this could happen with Bailey? No. No indication at all?

Laurie Arwine: 7:33

No indication. Now, we knew he was a little down. He had quit his job the day before. He wasn't happy at the job that he was at. Hunt said, Cher, we're so thankful and blessed that God gave us that last opportunity to have a meal with him, to give that one last hug.

Angela Kennecke: 7:51

I love you at last. I love you. The last words to my daughter were on Mother's Day. And I love you. Yeah. Oh, and I just, I'm so glad I have that. You know, Mother's Days are hard for me. But I'm really glad I have that our last text to each other where I love you. What a blessing that is. Yeah. While Hans and Lori waited for their son's autopsy report, a friend of Bailey's shared new information. that shed light on what may have led to his death.

Laurie Arwine: 8:26

We called one of his best friends from Dunkerton and he said, Bailey had said he bought some pills from this guy that he used to work with at Menards. And his friend, Trace, was concerned that they were fake pills. Cause

Hans Arwine: 8:40

he's seen a picture of them.

Laurie Arwine: 8:41

He saw a picture of them. And had you heard of fake pills? Had you heard of fentanyl in

Angela Kennecke: 8:45

2022? We heard of it, but you never think it's going to hit your home. Yeah. And we should mention, things like this don't happen in small towns, do they? No.

Hans Arwine: 8:57

Everybody was shocked. But now they do. But now they do.

Angela Kennecke: 9:02

Yes. I think that's what people really need to understand, is it can happen anywhere. Oh, it can happen

Laurie Arwine: 9:07

to anyone. And you can't, you can't prepare yourself for it. Six

Angela Kennecke: 9:18

weeks after Bailey's death, Hans and Lori got the autopsy report confirming that their youngest child died from fentanyl. Heartbroken and determined, they decided to dig deeper to find out exactly what led to Bailey's death.

Laurie Arwine: 9:34

I had access to Bailey's bank accounts and found out that he did lend some money to this individual. So we had that information, they had his phone. So the Cedar Rapids Police Department said that they would start an investigation. So it was just a waiting game. And then, it wasn't until October, my good friend works for Senator Grassley, and we had an opportunity to speak with Senator Grassley to talk about Fentanyl and the overdoses. And so I contacted the Cedar Rapids Police Department and I said, Is there still an active investigation going on? Where are you at? And they just said, No, we really don't. Couldn't really find anything

Hans Arwine: 10:17

unless he admits that we can't do anything

Laurie Arwine: 10:21

Unless yeah the person responsible which they knew and here's the thing to Bailey died in his home in the guy He then mowed. Yes. He stopped at his house to get some Xanax And died in his home and that's what's so odd because Bailey lived like 10 minutes from there, so he would have never spent the night there. And when we got the autopsy report, the person responsible for his death that sold him the pill had told the police that Bailey wasn't feeling well and had thrown up and said that they went out for a few drinks and Bailey had shared he hadn't drank for a while, which we knew was a lie because Bailey had a beer with us the night before when we had the last meal with him. So we knew something was suspicious with that.

Hans Arwine: 11:05

He

Laurie Arwine: 11:06

was lying. And then we found out that this person that Bailey used to work with sold drugs.

Angela Kennecke: 11:18

Even with all the information they had gathered, Cedar Rapids Police told Hans and Lori that there wasn't enough evidence to pursue the case further. They were told the investigation was closed and that no one would be charged in their son's death.

Laurie Arwine: 11:34

Then this is where another God blessing. was I shared Bailey's story with Senator Grassley. Stephen Baines was there, who's the commissioner, heard the story where I shared in the story that the Cedar Rapids Police said they couldn't do anything more with the investigation, they were closing the case. Stephen Baines was speaking and he stopped speaking and he turned to his parents, all the parents that spoke, and just said how heartbroken he was by what happened and how he has a son and how horrible it would be to happen to anybody's family. For After the hearing was over, then he came up to us and he said, Hey, tell us about it. And we told him about, you know, the investigation, how Cedar Rapids police said they couldn't do anything. And he said, we're going to check into it for you. Yeah.

Hans Arwine: 12:22

They did everything exactly what they were going to say, because they told me they'd be calling me in two hours, which they did, and

Laurie Arwine: 12:28

they

Hans Arwine: 12:28

put some upper people on it, not just, I mean, and that, that helped. So their process was totally different.

Angela Kennecke: 12:36

But what upsets me is that it has to come to that, that you have to go in and get somebody who has a little more power or you just happened to luck into meeting someone who has a little more power who can push. These people to do something.

Laurie Arwine: 12:49

Well, and that's the case. It's like nothing against the Cedar Rapids Police Department, but one comment they made was, it's the summertime. Lots of vacations. We don't, no one will get to it. It's like our son's death meant nothing to to them.

Angela Kennecke: 13:03

And I'm not, I'm not knocking the Cedar Rapids Police Department, but this is a common story among so many people across the country. So it's not, it's just law enforcement is overworked. Exactly. They don't always have enough resources. Yeah. But these cases. should be a priority. If we're ever going to stop this from happening, this is one way for people to know they are going to get caught and prosecuted if they sell this stuff. I mean, that's one tool in the toolbox and it needs to happen. People shouldn't be getting away with it.

Hans Arwine: 13:29

Exactly. You know, one thing with this, there's a three month delay, roughly. And then when the state got involved, the same lot of drugs is gone by that time, so they can't match. Right. Exactly. So it just made some things more difficult.

Angela Kennecke: 13:54

Despite waiting several months, law enforcement did eventually reach a breakthrough in the case. On the first anniversary of Bailey's death, the couple received a visit from DEA investigators with new information.

Laurie Arwine: 14:08

And they said that they were following this individual and that they caught him six times selling pills, the same Xanax that Bailey had that had fentanyl in it.

Angela Kennecke: 14:20

You know, I don't understand. I do understand when someone's suffering from substance use disorder that they're selling to feed their own habit. Do you think that's what is happening? But when people start dying, like how can you continue

Laurie Arwine: 14:32

to sell? Well and that's how we felt. It's like, obviously. Someone who struggles with substance abuse has a mental health condition. But to know that our son died in his home and he continued to sell the same drug that killed our son.

Hans Arwine: 14:48

And he admitted it in court. Right. Then he sold it.

Laurie Arwine: 14:52

So that April 5th was when we found out that they had six counts against him. He wasn't arrested until June and then he was released right away. And then it was January of this year that he went to court and he confessed his guilt

Hans Arwine: 15:11

for selling drugs only

Laurie Arwine: 15:13

for selling just so not drug induced homicide, not admit any guilt towards that. So the U. S. attorneys got involved with the case went from state to federal, correct? And he admitted. to all six times that he knew there was Xanax that he was selling. He knew it. He knew it.

Hans Arwine: 15:32

Anything he was selling, he knew it was fentanyl.

Angela Kennecke: 15:41

Almost two and a half years after Bailey died, the person responsible for his death was sentenced. 26 year old Colby Manley from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, will spend more than eight years in prison. While Hans and Lori believe he should have received a longer sentence, they find some comfort in knowing that he won't be able to sell dangerous drugs. and risk the lives of others.

Laurie Arwine: 16:05

What does a life mean? What's a life worth? But we are thankful that Governor Reynolds has stricter laws now, that she has that into effect. So, we just know because we've talked to several families that haven't been able to have an investigation on their child's death. So we are so thankful and grateful that Stephen Baines stepped in. looked at Bailey's account and the person responsible for his death is behind bars. He's no longer selling drugs and risking people's lives.

Angela Kennecke: 16:34

Right. That is important. It doesn't ever bring our children back and in Emily's case, there were actually four people that went to federal prison that were related to her case, which is very unusual. So it was all in federal court, but they did catch people, you know, the intermediate person who sold it and then the dealers that were, but they were responsible for several deaths in my community. And I think after talking to so many parents, it is unusual to have any kind of justice, to have anybody even charged at all. And I often, people say to me, oh, is that because you are well known, is that, and I, I don't think that's the only reason. I think they were able to put together a good case and there were other people, other deaths involved. In Bailey's case too, more than one person was arrested for the deadly drug ring. A total of three people have faced charges. During Manley's sentencing, both Hans and Lori teared up as they read their victim impact statements. Lori says that the process stirred up a lot of the initial pain and trauma from Bailey's death, and she realizes now that she had been holding on to some of that grief.

Laurie Arwine: 17:49

It's hard to describe how you feel, it's not going to bring our son back. We hope we'll have somewhat of a closure. We're very faith filled and after Bailey passed, the Lord put the scripture Romans 8, 28, all good things come together for good to those who love the Lord are called according to his purpose. And we know according to God's word that your days are numbered. And God knew when Bailey was going to die. And so we're trying to determine what our purpose will be. How can we share our son's story? How can we bring hope to other people? Awareness.

Angela Kennecke: 18:26

Awareness. Well, you're doing that right now. Yes. You're doing that right now and coming on the podcast. So yeah, there you are. And there's probably going to be lots of opportunities and ways that you can do that. I have to say that. After these people were sentenced in my daughter's case and I sat through weeks of trial with other parents who had lost someone due to these dealers, I didn't feel any better. I mean, it was very emotional. It was very tough, but I was glad, but I'm sure other people popped up in their place, you know, and it doesn't ease the wound. It doesn't heal it. Still, putting fentanyl traffickers behind bars can save lives and act as a deterrent to prevent further sales. In a previous episode of Grieving Out Loud, we talked with Matt Cappelluto. who has not only fought for justice in his daughter's death, but is also leading efforts to change legislation so that those who knowingly sell deadly drugs face prison time.

Matt Capelouto: 19:32

Here's some key things people need to understand about California and the way it works in many other states that don't have specific drug induced homicide statutes. The prosecution is left with two burdens. Number one, you have to prove that the drug dealer knew what they were selling. And they have to be able to prove that the drug dealer knew the drugs they were selling could result in someone's death. It's very challenging. Exactly.

Angela Kennecke: 20:00

Exactly. And that's why they turned it over to the Feds.

Matt Capelouto: 20:04

Yes, because on the federal side, you don't have to prove that the drug dealer knew that the drugs could result in death. You just have to prove that they knew what they were doing was illegal. Most people do not get justice in these cases. Most of these deaths, it's not the feds that show up, it is your local law enforcement, your police or sheriffs. And more times than not, although I think we are making some progress, These cases are just looked at as accidental overdoses and the burden of blame is on the user, and our kids are not seen as victims. That's what we have to change. There's no doubt our kids are victims, and if they're victims, there's a crime that's been committed. And that's where it all starts, is with law enforcement viewing these cases when they show up as criminal, not marked immediately. You know, just rolling them as accidental overdoses and they need to be investigated as homicides so information can be gathered right away and we have our best chances of getting these people off the streets.

Angela Kennecke: 21:06

I often say if people were going around lacing alcoholic drugs in a bar with fentanyl and people were dropping dead in bars because they were drinking a glass of alcohol. I often say if people were going around lacing alcoholic drugs in a bar with fentanyl and people were dropping dead in bars because they were drinking a glass of alcohol. that we would be, you know, shocked and outraged in this country. We put an end to this, but you're right because of all the stigma surrounding the use of any kind of illicit drug, we're not doing enough. Have you lost a loved one to overdose or fentanyl poisoning? I'd like to invite you to share their story on our new Emily's Hope Memorial website called More Than Just a Number. They were our children, siblings, cousins, husbands, wives, aunts, uncles. So much more than just a number. You can submit a memorial today on morethanjustanumber. org So how do you want Bailey remembered?

Laurie Arwine: 22:04

I want him remembered for the kind, caring person that he was. He'd give the shirt off his back. He was laid back, carefree. He kind of had an old soul. He had a twinkle in his eyes, he had a smirk, he was an amazing uncle. We have three grandchildren, Axel, Leif, and Lowen, cause he was a kid himself. So he played with them, you know, loved playing hide and seek, and football and basketball, and just read books to Lowen, she's the youngest. He was just a great guy. He would be anybody's friend.

Hans Arwine: 22:38

I love this. Oh, it's a picture of him. That's how he was. 6'5 guy. He was Healthy, you know, and that's what's so hard, because you see someone like Dennis, he's dead now.

Angela Kennecke: 22:50

And the minuscule amount of fentanyl can take you down. Yeah. And a big guy who's 6'5 and I don't know how much he weighed, 200 pounds or something. Yeah, he wasn't

Hans Arwine: 23:00

overly heavy,

Angela Kennecke: 23:01

but. But a big guy. Yeah. And a fit guy. Right. And it doesn't matter, because it just takes a minuscule amount.

Laurie Arwine: 23:08

It does. And one thing that Bailey wanted to do because he was such a free spirit, he says, Mom, I just want to get a van and drive across the United States. I want to see the world. He loved to hike. He was outdoors. He loved to fish. And I said, well, Bailey, you got to save some money up first and then go for it. You know, live your life.

Angela Kennecke: 23:29

And I think it's those lost opportunities, you'll never get a chance to do that. I think about my daughter was 21 and I won't have that wedding, no grandchildren. Exactly. That's what hurts. Yeah, it's, it's hard. That's the hardest part, don't you think? It is. Yeah, all the potential. When I show a banner of all these young fentanyl, I talk about all the lost potential to the world. Yes. You know, what. What adventures could he have gone on and what could he have done to help people because he was such a people person, your son, you know, I always talk about what music people could have written, what entrepreneurs are out there and businesses could have been started that we will never have in this world because of fentanyl. Yeah. I mean, it's a massive loss to all of us, all of these young lives. And it bothers me so deeply that this continues to happen every day.

Hans Arwine: 24:21

And it's growing, I believe.

Angela Kennecke: 24:23

The amount of fentanyl is definitely growing. Overdose deaths slash fentanyl poisonings are down slightly because of Narcan, right? But the amount of fentanyl flooding into this country is greater than ever, and the number of actual overdoses that maybe where someone survives is going up.

Hans Arwine: 24:39

As I mentioned, CBS News was talking to us, and it's like, this is a plane crash every day. They'd really be hearing. Two

Angela Kennecke: 24:47

plane crashes. Right. Falling out of the sky.

Hans Arwine: 24:49

And then Jelly Roll, you know, that singer, he brought the same thing up about, you know, this is a plane crash or whatever every day and they'd do something about it.

Angela Kennecke: 24:57

Right. I think, I believe it's because of the stigma about drugs and drug use.

Hans Arwine: 25:01

Very good point.

Angela Kennecke: 25:02

That's the hardest

Laurie Arwine: 25:03

part too. It's like when you lose a child to an overdose. There's a stigma. We have found in a small town, there's some people who ignore us and it's not that they mean to, they just don't know how to respond to you and then it's like they're shocked when we do talk to them. We're like, oh yeah, Bailey used to love doing that and they're like, yes, we want to hear about our son. We want people to talk to us about our son. That's what keeps his memory alive, you know, we want to share Bailey's story and that's what's hard is that you're treated differently.

Angela Kennecke: 25:38

So when did CBS News talk to you? What happened there?

Laurie Arwine: 25:40

January, we are, they read that I had spoke with Senator Grassley. And so Tony Ducopal was coming to Iowa, it's more political is what it was. And he read that Bailey died from fentanyl and they were going to be in the area. So I said, sure, you know, we'll,

Hans Arwine: 25:57

it was about the board.

Laurie Arwine: 25:58

It was about the border and fentanyl coming across the border. So they kind of had a play on it, but we shared his name, you know, his picture was out there. It's about creating awareness. And the fact that I work at a school, I share Bailey's story and I'm like. Don't take a pill from anybody. And

Angela Kennecke: 26:16

our kids are so comfortable with pills. That's the thing. We're a pill society. We take a pill for everything. We're prescribed pills all the time. Right. And kids are very comfortable with it, so we have to teach them that. You don't take a pill from anybody but a trusted adult, and who is your trusted adult?

Hans Arwine: 26:30

And they look real.

Angela Kennecke: 26:31

Yeah. And, and people think they are, especially kids. Right. Yeah.

Laurie Arwine: 26:35

And it's even in marijuana.

Angela Kennecke: 26:36

Yes, there have been cases of fentanyl laced illegal marijuana. Yep. Not if they get it legally, but illegal marijuana that has happened, and it's happened with kids vaping it, and things like that. Mm hmm. So, it's scary. It's really scary. And, and We need everyone to get the message, and hopefully through our children's lives, that is making a difference. Exactly. You

Hans Arwine: 26:58

know, and you talk about the stigma with it, in that room we're in, and there's a picture of like a two year old girl.

Angela Kennecke: 27:06

And on the fentanyl wall in D. C., there are children and babies and, because they're getting into it, right?

Hans Arwine: 27:12

And that's what I wish the government or just national media, local media, Push that stuff out there so people understand that because they don't always understand.

Angela Kennecke: 27:22

That it

Laurie Arwine: 27:23

can

Angela Kennecke: 27:23

happen to anybody. It is very dangerous. Yeah. And we cannot have it around our children, but our children are dying from it. They could be babies. They could be two. They could be 22. Mm hmm. And they're our kids. And we have to protect them. Right. And we can't do anything now about the loss of our children. They're gone. But we can try to protect other people's kids. Right. Right. So I really appreciate you sharing Bailey's story. Thank you so much. Thank you for the opportunity. We appreciate it. Thank you for listening to this episode of Grieving Out Loud. If you found it helpful, we ask that you please give us a positive review and share it with your friends and family. By doing so, we can help raise awareness about the deadly fentanyl epidemic, reduce the stigma around substance use disorder, and get more people the help they desperately need. Together, we can make a difference and change lives. Until next time, wishing you faith, hope, and courage. This podcast is produced by Casey Wundenberg King and Kaylee Fitz.