(MUSIC UP!) 

[00:00:00] Angela Kennecke: Laura Cathcart Robbins was half of a Hollywood power couple. She worked as a publicist and was PTA president at her kids' prestigious private school. Her then husband and actor and director eventually became the CEO of Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon. However, behind the glitz and glamor of the red carpet premiers and extravagant dinner parties, Laura was keeping a secret. 

[00:00:29] Laura Cathcart Robbins: was just always anxious. I was shaky. I was so exhausted and I was not myself.  I wasn't the kind of mom I wanted to be at all.  I wanted to have energy and be generous and playful, but I couldn't be any of those things because I was so tired. My kids were bed wetters and like were born back to back. They woke each other up in the middle of the night, and because my husband was shooting most of time, the logistics were up to me. It was a 24 7 job and I just reached a breaking point and my doctor prescribed Ambien for me, which turned out to be a lifesaver.

[00:01:06] Angela Kennecke: At first, it did seem like a lifesaver. Little did she know that this seemingly innocent solution would eventually lead her down a dangerous path. 

[00:01:16] Laura Cathcart Robbins: I took it as prescribed for the first year, and then I took pretty much as prescribed the second year. But occasionally would take like another half to fall asleep the third year. I was taking one and a half regularly to fall asleep every night, and then taking like another half in middle of the night. by the sixth year, year that I write about in Stash: My Life In Hiding, I'm taking 10 

[00:01:39] Angela Kennecke: While Laura hit her secret for years, she eventually sought help. Now she's speaking out to help others struggling with substance use disorder. I'm Angela Kennecke this is Grieving Out Loud. Prepare yourself for a fascinating conversation that promises to inspire and empower. It's an episode you won't want to miss.

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:02:00] Angela Kennecke: Well welcome Grieving Out I am excited you here. I read book Stash: My Life in Hiding from Cover to cover. I could not put it down. I think that's writer could get right 

[00:02:15] Laura Cathcart Robbins: is indeed. you so much, Angela. Yeah, , I'm excited to be here. if excited is the right word that. Denotes like some kind of joyousness, but I'm really curious for our conversation and I'm looking forward to it.

[00:02:30] Angela Kennecke: Well, I think we through a lot and can experience a lot of suffering. a of issues our lives but there's still for that joy, right? still appropriate place to celebrate the 

[00:02:41] Laura Cathcart Robbins: you for that. 

[00:02:42] Angela Kennecke: Yeah. The success of you story on paper and how well your book is doing So for sure Joy the right word I think 

[00:02:50] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yes. 

[00:02:50] Angela Kennecke: one of the things found so fascinating and I wanna talk a little about your background but found the way you described addiction so fascinating and I learned that I didn't really know addiction, so thank you. for that

[00:03:06] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah, I mean, the choice to kind of write this active. person, so that you were in my head with me, was intentional because it's really difficult to imagine even for me, what must be going through the head of someone who makes the choices that I did. did and why would anybody who has a life that looked like mine make these choices that takes you further and further away from being able to wanna enjoy that life or, or even just live that life.

And so I wanted to make sure that you understood what was going on in my head with me, and so that hopefully there's more empathy, the next person who going through what I through in 2008.

[00:03:47] Angela Kennecke: Right because looking it appeared that this fairytale life really You were living the American dream 

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:03:56] Angela Kennecke: Laura's journey is a modern day rags to riches story. Her childhood had its share of trauma.

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:04:07] Laura Cathcart Robbins: I mean, really, truly, I, you know, I grew up, poor, very interesting, kind of like we were welfare poor, but I went to private schools and we always in middle class neighborhoods, I didn't really how poor we were. but I also had an abusive who was emotionally abusive and. I qualify that and I'm not even sure why I do that. It wasn't physical abuse. and I'm not trying to diminish the abuse I had, but I, wanna just allow people to see what, I was living with and why I think it was tolerable for as long as it was. So I came from that. I came from a world where there was violent my house, there was yelling. So whole was about making the yelling stop basically. 

[00:04:53] Angela Kennecke: Do you think root of your addiction started that trauma in childhood?

[00:04:58] Laura Cathcart Robbins: yes, but I think it started with me departing from my authentic self because rubbed my stepfather the wrong way. editing of myself, 

I don't think that, There was a need for something outside myself that I, I a need, like I couldn't extinguish then, I certainly built the scaffolding for it by the time the addiction found me, which is how I like put it, I was right for it.

[00:05:24] Angela Kennecke: Yeah, something. Something outside yourself it's also interesting how you dropped outta school and with drugs and then of away from that and managed to build fabulous career for yourself 

[00:05:37] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah. And , the career was, it was a PR company in Hollywood in the late 1990s. Was fortunate with that. Like, had a knack for, I, I'm a voracious reader. Always read the papers. back there actual physical newspapers and physical and I read all those anyway, and for a publicist it's really necessary.

was then. And so it was just like, oh, I already do all this. and I can write, so I can write that release and that bio and write letter of whatever, and you know, I know the journalists from what they write. was just, it was an easy transition for me. without an education, without a formal education, and there weren't any black firms in Los Angeles that time.

I was the only one. happened was all of labels and the studios. came to me to. market their urban projects, which is Code for Black. Yeah it then, it is , yeah so I didn't get to like when Dreamworks hire at me, I wasn't doing, know, their big projects, but I was doing their black films and the black tv.

for the labels. Like when Sony or Universal hire at me, I was doing the hip hop stuff, but I wasn't doing their mainstream but it was a niche and I filled it.

 (MUSIC UP!) 

[00:06:57] Angela Kennecke: In addition to succeeding at a very high profile competitive job, Laura also met and fell in love with a Hollywood heavyweight. Her now ex-husband,Brian Robbins was an actor, director and filmmaker. He now is president and CEO of Paramount Pictures and Nickelodeon.

[00:07:16] Laura Cathcart Robbins: I actually met him, at the supper club that I worked on Friday nights. He and his castmates would come in rap on Fridays, and so I saw him there. I don't he remembered me. He didn't pay any attention to me, but he saw me out at dinner one night. during this time and kind of fastened onto me left without having said a word to me, but asked the maitre d to come, bring me to the phone from his car. I was like, I knew who he was because I knew him from television. And that's, that was kind of our first time we spoke was him verifying where he knew me from.

[00:07:56] Angela Kennecke: And he's a producer in hollywood

[00:07:59] Laura Cathcart Robbins: He was, was he was a director, producer then he was mainly a director, actually. He was an actor director then. hmm was still on a TV series at that point.

[00:08:09] Angela Kennecke: and he kind sweeps you off your feet and there's this whirlwind romance 

[00:08:12] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yes, 

[00:08:13] Angela Kennecke: during all this time, you weren't relying, substances then, were you?

[00:08:17] Laura Cathcart Robbins: I wasn't. I was drinking socially, but nothing out of the ordinary, nothing that set me apart from my peers. I actually don't and never did really like alcohol, so that wasn't like a problem. And I wasn't doing drugs because I was a publicist on the west coast, which meant I had to be up hours before everybody else cuz I, I was on East Coast time with most of my clients.

 There just wasn't time. But it also wasn't a draw for me.

[00:08:44] Angela Kennecke: but at some point were having trouble sleeping. Right And that's where the comes in 

[00:08:49] Laura Cathcart Robbins: it is. after I got married and after both my boys born back to back, 98 and one in 99, was just like a walking live nerve ending. I was short tempered. I was, Just, I, I can't even, it actually, what I felt like then was how withdrawal felt to me later I would go into like detox, when I stop taking the ambien. was just always anxious. I was shaky I was so exhausted and I was not myself.  I wasn't the kind of mom I wanted to be at all.  I wanted to have energy and be generous and playful but I couldn't be any of those things because I was so tired. My kids were bed wetters and like were born back to back.

They woke each other up in the middle of the night, and because my husband was shooting most of time, the logistics were up to me. it was a 24 7 job and I just reached a breaking point and my doctor prescribed Ambien for me, which turned out to be a lifesaver.

[00:09:52] Angela Kennecke: do think you had some postpartum depression well? I mean, even looking back do know.

[00:09:57] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah, I absolutely that I did what I think now, I was never diagnosed with anything, so I don't know what I had. But I think now that my symptoms weren't really depression. They were of postpartum anxiety, and oh have that then. so I know how to properly articulate 

[00:10:15] Angela Kennecke: nobody had that. language then. I had a that Emily born in you know, nobody was talking those kinds of Really. at that point until someone famous came out and it. it brook Yeah, it yeah, shields. Yeah. Yeah. 

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:10:31] Angela Kennecke: After Brooke Shields gave birth in the early 2000, she suffered from postpartum depression. At that time, people didn't really talk openly about this condition because they were afraid of judgment and backlash. A fear that tragically came true for shields even after Tom Cruise publicly criticized shields saying she was dangerous for spreading irresponsible misinformation about chemical imbalances of the brain. 

[00:10:58] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah and couple with that I was ashamed of feeling way that I was, thought that a good mother just be better. so even though I asked my doctor about it, I did it timidly and I didn't give him much evidence. I was going through, I was really hoping he would just say, no, you're not, but here's what's going on, and you'll get over it basically. I wasn't honest with him. I honest about everything that I was experiencing.

[00:11:27] Angela Kennecke: So the ambien you. but then know, or I haven't heard of people being addicted Ambien before or taking during the kind shocked me because I, how could you function taking ambien during the day 

[00:11:40] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Well, I took it as prescribed. for the first year, and then I took pretty much as prescribed the second year. But occasionally would take like another half to fall asleep the one pill that was prescribed to me. 

The third year. I was taking one and a half regularly to fall asleep every night, and then taking like another half in middle of the night.

by the sixth year, year that I write about in Stash: My Life In Hiding, I'm taking 10 which is an incredible amount of Ambien. Most of those, I say eight and a half those pills were at night. So I would take like four to get to sleep, then I would wake up twice and I take more each time I woke up.

And during the day, I wasn't taking like whole pill, but I would break off pieces of pill just to keep myself from going into withdrawal. was not nearly enough to put me to sleep. fact, by that point, I couldn't sleep without ambient and alcohol. had to boost it with vodka and occasionally boost that with Benadryl, so the ambient itself wouldn't have put me to sleep at that point.

[00:12:47] Angela Kennecke: And you said earlier wasn't really your thing.

[00:12:50] Laura Cathcart Robbins: right. But it was very useful 

So, you know, I didn't drink when I have Ambien, but I always, the end, I drank almost every time I took an Ambien.

[00:13:00] Angela Kennecke: Wow. and I know some things in the book give of the book away I know some happened that kind of a wake up call that got seek help But I thought what was so interesting was way described addiction and the way you felt in In fact I wrote down something you wrote and I want you to of talk about this a little bit 

[00:13:21] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah.

[00:13:21] Angela Kennecke: felt like there was a plexiglass wall between you and everybody else that was so interesting did mean by that

[00:13:29] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah. And I don't know that that was specific to the addiction, the, This was part of the scaffolding for it, that had lived in such a way where I was vulnerable no one. not truly vulnerable. There were people who knew me on a more intimate than others, I was never really, truly vulnerable.

I revealed all of the things that were so difficult for me, especially in motherhood. Like I just didn't not know how to be a mom. I, it certainly know how do it the way that other people were doing it, it to come naturally to them. So this wall that I had up, Which was plexiglass meant people could see me and I looked you know, I was the parent association president. just been asked to join the I was attending premieres. I was playing tennis. I was out, all of this was happening right until the time that I myself into treatment. but behind the wall, this plexiglass wall, I was dying. I was miserable. I confused, I bewildered. I was ashamed. 

and it was about addiction, but it wasn't specific to it necessarily because I was ashamed about that postpartum anxiety, which is what I think it was. I was really ashamed. I was humiliated by that, like, what's wrong with me as a mom That I can't be effortless, can't get this that I can't be, joyfully walking my kids. Into their classroom instead of like yelling at them and pulling, running back for the stuff I forgot in the car. And I didn't want anybody to see that. I thought felt like survival to me, which is what my felt like. 

You know, edit and survive, don't edit and die. And that's what it felt like to me then, even though intellectually I knew that it wasn't, but I couldn't metabolize that. It just felt like that.

[00:15:27] Angela Kennecke: It's interesting to me, up the front of this the doing would've really guessed. Right? Most people wouldn't have guessed same thing happened my daughter who started with weed and Xanax and to heroin was planning running a marathon, I think of how inconsistent is, you know, something so to your body.

[00:15:52] Laura Cathcart Robbins: yes. . you know, For me, while I was still managing it, there was just like, just on the other side this, right, like every night I went to, got ready for bed thinking only gonna take the me prescribed tonight. , gonna wake up tomorrow.

I'm gonna enjoy that workout. Like I was getting through everything, but I was dragging myself through everything, even though it didn't look like that. And so each night I went to bet with good intentions these ideals for my life about what I wanted my life to look like. then the addiction would take over and it all went to the that really beautiful. , Robin Williams. I don't know if it's beautiful actually, but it's a fitting Robin Williams quote where says, I was compromising my standards faster than I could lower them. and that's what it was like for me.

[00:16:41] Angela Kennecke: Yeah, do that, the way taken by the drug physically her like nobody do that. Nobody wants to take ambient. Nobody's thinking oh, this is a great thing doing, using heroin or Right.

I mean there's a part of you that's you knows but that other part think takes over in a and that really hit home for me you talked about to go to rehab and I guess this is part because I haven't from substance disorder. That I don't is like, you you problem, you're going rehab, but you're applauding how you're gonna drugs alcohol into with you. why go to rehab That's when you were even though you because did not do it, were, to figure you could go back to it, right.

[00:17:31] Laura Cathcart Robbins: yeah. a hundred percent. and I, you know, my editor my agent both, neither of them have had much experience with addiction. So they read that piece you were talking about, and they were both like, What, and you know, the, the answer is that I knew how bad it was gonna for I knew how all of this stuff, know, that I did all this hiding, stashing away, not just the drugs, but pieces of myself really because of one primary fear. This is what I've discovered for myself, that's a fear of discomfort.

in this case, I'm talking about physical discomfort. also just being, uncomfortable in a situation, any situation. And I don't wanna do it. So I'll avoid that at all costs. Or I, I did up until, I got sober. So, you know, it just seemed logical to me that they weren't gonna give me enough drugs to keep me comfortable in treatment. did my research you know, as much research as you can do. , in 2008 I decided that one, I would have lie about how much I was taking. I would to take so they would give me more drugs to taper me off. I don't think I put that in the book, but I did. I lied about 

[00:18:39] Angela Kennecke: no uh.

[00:18:41] Laura Cathcart Robbins: and then I would have to sneak some in with me. I said, the Ambien wouldn't work without booze, so I had to sneak in with me as well. so that I could manage my own detox. That's what, that was my plan.

[00:18:53] Angela Kennecke: You had some assisted detox but I've that it's not only a physical crisis, but also like psychological crisis that just so, you words like?

[00:19:07] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah. It's like your brain is on fire and you're searching for water to put it out, you can think about is, how can I get, well, how can I get well, how can I get well? How can I make feeling go away? How can I make this feeling go Someone described it like having like low grade diarrhea. if you've ever had that, like you're kind of waiting to go the bathroom. So you go through a conversation, but you're not thinking about the conversation. You're thinking about getting to that bathroom. 

That's kind of is like, and that's definitely like withdrawal was like Detox was like, was just thinking about, because I was medically detoxed, I would get at certain times, medication certain times through the There was like a morning dose and afternoon dose and an evening dose. All I was doing was thinking about those doses. That's it. And my kids,

[00:19:54] Angela Kennecke: Yeah yeah, and after you got out of treatment, you expected to use again, right?

[00:20:01] Laura Cathcart Robbins: I did. Yeah my plan. 

It wasn't even just an expectation. I was just like, that was the way I talked myself into going to treatment was that you can use again when you get out. and I thought, you know, this will be really good because maybe I just need a break that can know, take them as prescribed. 30 days off, I wasn't able to do that on my own. it 30 days, right Cuz they stepped me down. I was titrated down, but, whatever the break was, I didn't know what was gonna get when I got there. that, period of time of break that I could use ambient again as prescribed.

[00:20:36] Angela Kennecke: stopped you? though you? do it 

[00:20:39] Laura Cathcart Robbins: the bigger picture of stopped me was I wanted be in my children's lives more than than I wanted anything, anything is why I went to treatment. way that I achieved that goal was because I had divorce attorney that was extremely prescriptive, and she was like, you need to do 12 things so that I I have the going for you.

And one of them was twice a week drug testing. And, I was. Quite professional at doctor shopping and that kind stuff, and getting, know, prescriptions from different doctors. But I wasn't, wasn't truly a good junkie because I had no idea how to beat a drug test, and I didn't know if that was gonna be something that I could investigate without being caught.

really scared of being caught of my history on my computer examined. . so I kind of surrendered the that would able to take anything during this period where I was getting divorced and I went to step meetings and I, saw a therapist twice per week who I ended up adoring, who specialized in addiction. She was recommended by the treatment center that I went to. she up being incredible for me. 

 I thought I was biting my time. divorce settled and then I kind of go back. But what actually happening was all these, therapies, the 12 step program, the, you know, reengaging in my life, the therapy itself, you know being a present mom, all these things were working on me.

 So by time I was kind of released four months later from any obligation, I continued to go.

[00:22:20] Angela Kennecke: Well I love you described your divorce in book I could picture her 

[00:22:24] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah. 

[00:22:25] Angela Kennecke: She seems like a really good lawyer and Al also else maybe a little bit is were going through a divorce to treatment you going Then something that nobody recommends You fell with somebody in treatment 

[00:22:40] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah. I mean, I, I didn't fall in love with him there, but I definitely had this connection connecting what came away from treatment thinking was that he was my friend. that's how he felt to me. 

Even though we had kissed twice while we were there, I thought this can't possibly go anywhere. But he's my friend, like been through so much and we'll stay in each other's lives as friends. And then, you know, he ends up moving to Los Angeles Utah where he is there's a series of events. yeah, nobody thought it was a good idea. , everybody thought that was a certainly not in the best interest of anything I was working toward. and yet there it was.

[00:23:23] Angela Kennecke: You know, it's kept rooting you though, the way you this book and the way you of let the reader into are, into your mind, into intentions yeah was rooting for you that whole time for you. and for him I appreciate that. 

Yeah And you did up eventually.

[00:23:42] Laura Cathcart Robbins: yeah, we still we dated for about six years. lived separately and dated for six years, and then, my ex-husband and wife moved back to town, they had been living in our Malibu house. Or what was their Malibu house? , but ours, we bought the house a few doors down from them and moved in there, and was the first time we cohabitated

[00:24:06] Angela Kennecke: since you from substance use disorder, do you keep each other in check? Is it something that you worry about for the other?

[00:24:14] Laura Cathcart Robbins: I don't think we worry about it now. think us. far enough away from it we're both really engaged in our recovery. It's a daily thing for me. I'm daily either somebody that I work with in in recovery or that the woman who guides me through my recovery a recovery meeting, and he is too. He has the same kind setup. absolutely talk about recovery. We have a meeting in our house every We have for last 14 years, 

we, we have a very sober home. we talk about recovery a lot. We don't talk about. what got us here a whole lot because it's, not as relevant, but keeping our recovery, present and feeding it and taking care of it what's more present.

[00:25:01] Angela Kennecke: I know your were on mind, you when you went to treatment, when were going your divorce and how did your fare this and how doing today? I

[00:25:11] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Oh, they're amazing. . so good. So they're 25 and 23 now. 

. you know, I, talked to them, you before I left when I came back, they were much more impacted by the divorce than they were. me going away for 30 days and coming back and hitting meetings and all that stuff. they've up in this sober house, so they've been dropped off with their friends on Saturdays and kind of their way across room of people meeting to discuss addiction and alcoholism and said hi, and been hugged and kissed by regular meeting members and, their friends do the same thing.

They into room or went into their and PlayStation or Xbox. they know my story and it's broad strokes. never felt it necessary to give them details because don't want to them more than they've asked for that they can handle. actually it is not to me determine they can handle, but more than they've asked for.

And, I, I went to them before I, the book went to first pass, hmm is like when you're publishing, and time that it goes to the copywriters, basically like the editor you were done. And it goes to copywriters and it's hard to change anything after that as the author.

And so I told them, I said, this is a about this year, where your dad and I divorced, where my addiction was the worst, where I checked into treatment. Where I met Scott. Okay. If there's anything during that time regarding you don't want me to talk about, I won't. if you wanna read it and see if there's anything you, you would like changed. Absolutely.

And then, you know, they both just said they trusted me. They're super proud of the book. we're really close. Like they're here the time. They both live separately, with their girlfriends. But my older one, basically every day see the younger or three times a week. We talk on the phone every day call me, which is really unusual for age 

[00:27:10] Angela Kennecke: Especially Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:27:12] Laura Cathcart Robbins: yeah assistant too. So they'll call me and either ask for my advice or ask me to help them with something. And. . it's just really, it's a clean relationship. I'm not hiding anything from them. and we're, you know, we have family dinner every Sunday where my mom comes and my brother comes, and the boys and their girlfriends come, and Scott's kids come. And I am fortunate I know this, that my situation is not typical right of addiction. and, I, I'm aware of that, and I am grateful it all the time.

 (commercial break - visit www.morethanjustanumber.org) 

[00:27:47] Angela Kennecke: What advice do you have people who may be struggling with or members who are dealing with a one advice 

[00:27:57] Laura Cathcart Robbins: just call me today who I've known years and asked me about. , a family member it was revealed that they'd been going really debilitating addiction, and I as a family member, and I, I know a little bit of this because Scotty continued to drink I got got sober, which was really painful. And, confusing for me. 

right 

seemed to have so much better than I in treatment. I hated being there. I hated everything about it. was planning to use and drink, and he was really set on. He felt safe there wanted to stay, and then I stayed sober and he and drank. So I didn't understand that.

I think the best advice that got was that I needed leave it to love him the, way that I could love him. and to stay out of it, you know, not try to guide his appointments, not try to arrange for things for him. you know, there are no inquisitions, no. second guessing him. to really just let him have the dignity of his own experience with this, but also letting him know was there and I loved him and he was ready, and if that came, if that time came before went to or died, I would be. to do whatever that looked like with him. 

And I didn't know where I would be. Like, it could have taken him years to sober, and I could have moved on romantically and been with somebody else. I didn't know what that looked like, but my intention at the time was to be a sober touchdown for him him and continued to be that for as long as I could, and it was really, really hard.

His last run was in Hawaii. run meeting, drinking from bottle to bottle. Hmm I wanted to go, you know, I to go and, and save him yeah I didn't. I stayed here. took care of my kids. I to meetings. know, doing my parent association duties and waited for him call. And you know, eventually he came back and he got sober. And it wasn't my journey, it was his. . 

[00:30:02] Angela Kennecke: I think those words are so profound your journey was his I think parent when you see a child struggling with something like this It's a little bit different because like have to something and I, had I found with that had to just love her and go because the more I to control or the angrier the worse got more I drove away sadly and unfortunately she died because of fentanyl think that's what has so many parents especially and I'm sure spouses friends loved ones worried about that person who struggling because They can easily die today but there isn't some quick easy fix You you can't just shake someone and get to stop think that's your writing explained though too as well 

[00:30:54] Laura Cathcart Robbins: and I'm, am so sorry for your loss and been listening to your podcast, oh honestly, some of, some of the episodes are hard to get through, because of the, the grief, that I feel I just, you know, profound sadness a mom. as a daughter, you know, thinking about what my parents were going through still alive I was going through all this, and their horror and their helplessness, their powerlessness, fentanyl is, is a really, really scary drug you do not have to be an addict to die from it.

You overdose from fentanyl. you try it the first time at a party. a gummy, it's laced in a drink. really and my kids don't seem to have what I had addiction wise, but I sat them down more than once and just explained like, yo, you can't, can't try anything that anybody hands you anything.

I know tempting and I know it's social and you're all out and it's a big deal. I mean, it's not a big deal but it is. It is. And that is, that is the really scary thing about what's going with fentanyl, I think. and when, when someone is engaging addictive behavior, you can be on the lookout for something like that.

[00:32:11] Angela Kennecke: Right 

[00:32:11] Laura Cathcart Robbins: But when they're not, how do you prepare? 

[00:32:14] Angela Kennecke: You can't 

[00:32:15] Laura Cathcart Robbins: and can't 

[00:32:17] Angela Kennecke: The days of experimentation really are gone. we do have a lot of parents listen to this podcast a lot who have children currently struggling And I think that you really cannot control that person suffering substance use Just like you Scott You know and yeah, all you can do is continue to offer a a hand loving hand think that's so important 

[00:32:40] Laura Cathcart Robbins: And take care of yourself and Yeah And take care of yourself. 

what I did. care of myself. Like said, went to meetings, I did my workouts, I did meditations. if I had let myself go in service of worrying about him or helping him, , I would've regretted that. was counterintuitive every time I engaged in anything that life-affirming for myself was counterintuitive.

But, I'm really glad I didn't and I didn't abandon myself cuz I don't wanna ever do that again.

[00:33:07] Angela Kennecke: because you Probably. relapsed Most likely 

[00:33:10] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah. weird that I didn't . 

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:33:13] Angela Kennecke: Not only did Laura stay in recovery and avoid relapse, she now uses her life experiences to help others. I. In addition to increasing awareness about substance use disorder, Laura also has a podcast titled, The Only One In the Room. We've put information about the podcast in our show notes, and while you're there checking it out, please also take a moment to give this podcast a positive review and to share it with family and friends.

It helps spread our mission to raise awareness about substance use disorder and our nation's drug epidemic, which will hopefully get more people into treatment and save lives.

[00:33:52] Laura Cathcart Robbins: (MUSIC UP) So this podcast came out of an experience I had where was the only black person in a room full of 600 people. And when wrote about that experience, the article went viral and I thought, black people are gonna connect with this. But what happened was it was people of all races from all over the world, all ages, all ethnicities, wrote me back and. Told me one stories and said, I know it's like to feel alone in a room full of people. And there are these really isolating things that happen throughout our lives. And I think everybody has one. 

you have one, 

[00:34:25] Angela Kennecke: Yeah what a, stigmatized A stigmatized 

[00:34:29] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Yeah 

But could be as, as simple as, you know, I'm the only broke in my friend's circle, and my can't do everything that the other kids can do. You can be the only one in a wheelchair. I had one letter from a woman who was overweight. She walked into a yoga class in her neighborhood, and all the thin people turned and stared her. Like she two heads and she left she felt like the only one room. You know? So these are the stories we tell.

the podcast and the, the object is to once person tells their story, they're instantly less alone. Because there's feedback and saying, me too, me too, me too. Like the good Me Too movement, not the Me too,

but, you when a problem is shared, that Swedish expression when a problem is shared, it's halved and, that affinity, that community is the antidote for shame. Community is the antidote for isolation, obviously, and creating community is what we try to do with the podcast. With the only one in the room.

[00:35:32] Angela Kennecke: that's very cool I agree why share story not the one feels that oftentimes certainly did it and as share my more and more and more course the kind of deaths that we're dealing with with Fentanyl are prevalent A hundred and nearly people of overdose mostly related 2022 is unbelievable to 

[00:35:56] Laura Cathcart Robbins: unfathomable 

[00:35:57] Angela Kennecke: unfathomable 

[00:35:58] Laura Cathcart Robbins: human beings. 

[00:36:00] Angela Kennecke: right There are so many us you know always about the collateral damage left behind and none of us escape damage in lives right From whatever or happens but Yeah. Yeah Well really appreciate taking the time to talk to me today and it that wrote the book and on how well it's doing 

[00:36:22] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Thank Thank you so much. Thank you for having me on. This is, um, this was really important to me to come on your podcast and I appreciate uh giving me this platform. a platform where all these really important and profound stories are shared, I'm glad that you allowed me to add my voice it, so thank you.

[00:36:41] Angela Kennecke: Your story important profound so thank you. 

[00:36:45] Laura Cathcart Robbins: Thank you.

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:36:45] Angela Kennecke: Thank you for listening to this episode of Grieving Out Loud. You can check out more podcast episodes, find resources for help with substance use disorder, and get involved in our mission by checking out our website Emilyshope.charity and we hope this episode offered you valuable insights and support.

Stay connected with us as we release a new episode of Grieving Out Loud every Wednesday. Until next time. Wishing you faith, hope, and courage. This podcast is produced by Casey Wonnenberg-King and Anna Fey.

 (MUSIC UP!)