[00:00:00] Angela Kennecke: You probably check out TikTok to get a laugh, learn a new recipe, or catch up on the latest makeup trend. However, a bereaved mother uses the platform to raise awareness about a much more serious topic.

[00:00:25] Teresa Carreon: 

I was worried, 

especially talking about my daughter being pregnant and overdosing that, trolls, haters, they're going to let you have it.

But I decided, you know what? If her story can save one life, it's worth it.

[00:00:41] Angela Kennecke: On this episode of grieving Out Loud, Teresa Correan talks about her daughter's decades long battle with substance use disorder, which eventually led to a deadly overdose while she was pregnant.

[00:01:03] Teresa Carreon: But I miss her. I miss the opportunity of never holding her, meeting my grandson. just three weeks before she passed, I saw him in the sonogram. So that was when I met him. 

[00:01:18] Angela Kennecke: I'm journalist Angela Kennecke, your host of Grieving Out Loud. I started this podcast along with the charity, Emily's Hope, after my daughter Emily died from Fentanyl poisoning. We hope by raising awareness about the nation's deadly drug epidemic, we can prevent future deaths and more broken hearts. (MUSIC UP!)   MUSIC UP!) () 

So the first thing I want to say is that I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter, Heidi. 

[00:01:50] Teresa Carreon: Thank you. And I'm sorry for the loss of your daughter as well. 

[00:01:54] Angela Kennecke: Both of us are like shouting from the rooftops to try to end this problem, to try to create better understanding of addiction. And I think we have so much in common, you and I, unfortunately, .

[00:02:09] Teresa Carreon: It's a club none of us wanna be in, but we're forced to be in.

And it's bigger than I even recognize. After losing Heidi, that's when I realize, and I started raising awareness how big the problem is, how many families are impacted. 

[00:02:24] Angela Kennecke: I want to start off by talking about just your family in general. I thought it was fascinating when I was doing a little research on you that you have six children Between my husband and I.

[00:02:35] Teresa Carreon: Yeah, we have six. so he had two, and then I had my two, and then we had two. So it was two, two and two. 

[00:02:45] Angela Kennecke: And how old were your kids at the time when you met his kids? 

[00:02:49] Teresa Carreon: Heidi was, I'll say about between four and five. my son, he was a year and a half, which he knows Carlos as his dad.

 And then my husband had two boys, and then we ended up having two boys. 

[00:03:04] Angela Kennecke: how old were Carlos' boys when you guys got together? 

[00:03:07] Teresa Carreon: Literally the same age. Like his oldest son and Heidi were the same age. his younger son is like a year older than my son, so it's like 31.

27, 26, 24 and 22. 

[00:03:24] Angela Kennecke: Wow. Yeah. So what was it like having this big blended family, his yours and the two you had together? 

[00:03:31] Teresa Carreon: It was awesome. It was awesome. You would think that it would be difficult, but because they were so young, they blended so well. Everybody was really close.

Heidi was the princess of the bunch, but she was also my rebellious one. she learned to be tough from her brothers and all three of my boys were extremely close to Heidi, Heidi was a princess of the group. But she's also your oldest. So I often think Emily was my oldest and she also started to rebel in ways I never expected. Like I was not prepared for that. Did you experience that same kind of thing? How old was Heidi? 

Yes, I did. I know she struggled with her dad and I not being together.

 that was a battle for her growing up. then she spent time back and forth between her father and I. So she went through the rebellious teenage, you know, ditching school, doing, I don't wanna say typical because I didn't have the same issues with my boys, but I know she tried drinking young and stuff, but it was never, it wasn't, I guess it should have been concerning for me.

[00:04:34] Angela Kennecke: I think it's really interesting because I had some of the same issues with my daughter Emily.

I'm divorced from her dad, so she was going back and forth and never really liked it, that we weren't together and she started rebelling and acting out and skipping school or staying out all night and trying drinking, trying marijuana at a pretty young age, like 15, 16 in there. And I was really worried. Were you worried? 

[00:04:59] Teresa Carreon: Very, very. she ran away a couple times she was put on probation and violated probation and we got her counseling and she spent a few weeks and, the juvenile facility from violating probation.

There were times I literally had to go look for her and turn her in. That was, that was one of the hardest things for me. But I knew she was safe and that was the most important thing to me. 

[00:05:26] Angela Kennecke: I had similar experiences. I felt like I was just trying to rein my daughter in and eventually the legal system was involved because she was running away and staying out all night.

And it was just so hard. I mean, I never expected to have to deal with those things as a mom. 

[00:05:41] Teresa Carreon: Yep. 

[00:05:43] Angela Kennecke: And meanwhile, none of my other kids ever did anything like that. 

[00:05:46] Teresa Carreon: Right, right. 

[00:05:47] Angela Kennecke: So is it a personality trait? Do you think it's a hereditary, why were our oldest children, girls like this yet our other kids weren't. 

[00:05:56] Teresa Carreon: Well, I like my two stepsons. You know, they weren't rebellious like her, but they went through, some things. And I do think that broken families has a bigger impact than we even realize on our children. Huge impact. 

[00:06:09] Angela Kennecke: think a lot about that because my first marriage was very dysfunctional, and I wonder, would it have been better to stay in a dysfunctional relationship because that screws kids up too, right.

Or to leave and try to build a new life. I mean, I'm remarried. I've been married with my husband for 13 years, and it's very stable, you know, very normal. Right. So I just, I don't know. and then it's hard not to take on that guilt because you didn't stay in the marriage. 

Right. Did that cause our girls to act the way they did and to become addicted? 

[00:06:44] Teresa Carreon: I believe so. You know, it's, it's just, 

[00:06:47] Angela Kennecke: do you feel guilty about it?

[00:06:49] Teresa Carreon: I would say no, because her father and I were, it was not a good relationship. If we had, it just would've, you know, I think it would've had the same outcome because it just would've been toxic. And so, what she did experience is, even though she was back and forth, she felt love in both places, and at the same token, I was more the strict one and he was more laid back. And so that was, yeah, that was my big battle is we did not have the same rules. 

[00:07:17] Angela Kennecke: I had the same problem. Yeah. And I think that confuses kids. So I think that maybe that's where. The problem is really rooted, right?

Because if they come to your house and you expect one thing and you have rules in place, and they go to the other parent's house and they can sort of do what they want and everything's okay, and then they're getting conflicting messages, and then they really, my daughter really rebelled against me because she wanted all that, who does what?

16 year old doesn't want all that freedom. Right? 

[00:07:43] Teresa Carreon: Right, right. Yeah. And if it's given to them, they're gonna rebel against the one that won't, you know? 

[00:07:51] Angela Kennecke: Right. I often say I, I really was the bad cop and I used tough love. Yeah. And I also think though, about the seven years of sleepless nights I had, which you probably had too, right? Mm-hmm. , it was exhausting. 

[00:08:03] Teresa Carreon: Yes. 

[00:08:04] Angela Kennecke: And you're trying everything. I mean, our stories are so parallel.

It's really interesting to me because I drug Emily to counselor after counselor and tried to invoke the law, tried every tool that I could think of, and I even took parenting classes on oppositional defiant teenagers. You know? 

[00:08:19] Teresa Carreon: Wow. I didn't do that, but I should have . 

[00:08:23] Angela Kennecke: Well, I don't know how much it helped.

 I learned, you know, you can't punish for too long and did different tactics, different things that I employ. But eventually, after she turned 18 and left the house, I just kept loving her. There's nothing I could do to control her after that point anymore.

[00:08:38] Angela Kennecke: Did you kind of experience that same kind of thing? 

[00:08:41] Teresa Carreon: Yes. that's when our biggest struggle comes

, 

 (music up) 

[00:08:44] Angela Kennecke: At 17, Theresa's daughter, Heidi started to rebel in more serious ways. She moved in with her boyfriend and began using heroin.

 (music up) 

[00:08:56] Angela Kennecke: How did you find out? 

[00:08:57] Teresa Carreon: She never came out and told me. I just felt it. But there was a time we were going camping and at this point she was 18 and she was staying with the boyfriend.

I asked her if they could come watch our home while we were gone, just take care of our animals.But when we came back, there was literally a piece of paper on my desk that had different tools and the prices next to it.

And, and I was like, this doesn't make sense. And then my husband started noticing tools were missing they had stolen. And at that point, that's when everything came out. The issue was big at that point. It was trying to figure out how I was even going to deal with this with her. 

[00:09:38] Angela Kennecke: So what happened after that? 

[00:09:41] Teresa Carreon: Well, you know, I thought I was going to save her by just having a talk with her. guarantee. 100%. I enabled her without even knowing it in the beginning. it was like, no, you know, I was just trying it and I'm sorry, and so they did get a lot of the stuff back from Pawn.

 which wasn't even important to me. It was. What was going on causing that. And so I tried to kind of separate her from the boy, but that wasn't possible. even if she was 16, 17, whatever, she would've found a way to do what she wanted. 

[00:10:14] Angela Kennecke: Right. 

[00:10:14] Teresa Carreon: And so it just excelled from there.

 (MUSIC UP!) 

[00:10:19] Angela Kennecke: Heidi's relationship did not continue, but her drug use did. After she moved to Arizona to stay with her dad, she met a different man and got pregnant at 20.

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:10:34] Teresa Carreon: And because she was battling with addiction, she decided to go into a woman and children's rehab.

So she went in there during her pregnancy, was doing great. We had great times when she was pregnant, you know, I went to Arizona, I visited her.

I was there when my, you know, after my granddaughter was born But then she got out and once you complete the program, they help you into a housing, into an apartment. And Lacey's dad was actually in prison and he got out and she let him move in there, which at that point, everything just went down from there.

 She ended up getting kicked out. They stayed with his mom for four months. And then she reached out to me, and wanted to come up here. I went against my better judgment because I didn't like him, but I wanted my daughter and my granddaughter close so I could make sure they were safe.

[00:11:31] Teresa Carreon: So they came up for a little bit and then he ended up going back to Arizona. And Before he went back to Arizona, she got pregnant again with my grandson. So the two kids have the same father. . She was probably, I want to say maybe four or five months, and he went back to Arizona and has been in and out of prison.

And he's never even met my grandson. 

[00:11:56] Angela Kennecke: And so he really abandoned them.

[00:11:58] Teresa Carreon: Mm-hmm. . 

Yeah. And her too. 

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:12:01] Angela Kennecke: At age 22, Heidi was now a single mom of two young kids struggling with substance use disorder.

[00:12:17] Teresa Carreon: (MUSIC UP) She stayed with me and then she met this guy, and, me being the protective mom, I'm like, Hey, I gotta meet him. And he was actually one of the most amazing guys that she dated.

 She ended up moving in with him, but her addiction got in the way and ended up back with me because he gave her an option, you know, you get clean or you, you can't stay here. We can't, we won't work. 

[00:12:43] Angela Kennecke: I bet you were always hopeful, like, this is it.

[00:12:45] Teresa Carreon: Yeah. 

[00:12:45] Angela Kennecke: This is recovery. 

[00:12:47] Teresa Carreon: Yeah. 

[00:12:48] Angela Kennecke: I got my daughter back. 

[00:12:49] Teresa Carreon: Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:12:50] Angela Kennecke: Like, tell me what, what were your thoughts during those good times? 

[00:12:54] Teresa Carreon: Thank God, just like you said, I had my daughter back, but then the signs were there. the longer she was in her addiction, the more I could tell, and so the more she would avoid me, because we actually had this communication that I didn't even have to say a word to her.

I would look at her and she would say, what, you know, I, I'm clean. And I already knew, I didn't even have to have a whole conversation with her, but it got to the point where I recognized it, even on the phone with her. I could just recognize it and so, she would avoid me. 

She didn't want me to know, because then I would push for rehab and. it was the same cycle for so long

[00:13:38] Angela Kennecke: years. 

[00:13:39] Teresa Carreon: Very much. 

[00:13:41] Angela Kennecke: How did this affect your entire family? 

[00:13:43] Teresa Carreon: So for the longest time, when my daughter was running away and stuff in her teenage years, I actually used to hide it from my boys because I didn't want them to learn that and be like, oh, well Heidi did it, so I protected them.

And then as they got older and her addiction became a real problem, I talked to them and I honestly, I think because what they saw with her and what it did to her, what it did to me, They've seen her at her worst. There was one time I saw her at her worst and it was nodding out and she had a mixture, I think, of the meth and the heroin. But she was so bad and so skinny.

My boys, boys are not, they don't express as much verbally, but they're so protective of their mom. And then they want to protect their sister too. 

[00:14:43] Angela Kennecke: Yeah, yeah. Emily's appearance and her behavior. Yeah. And how it affected our entire family had a lifelong impact on her siblings for sure. So, and they are so, so protective of me now.

And for a long time they were angry with her, for the way she was acting and what she was doing. 

[00:15:04] Teresa Carreon: Yes. 

[00:15:06] Angela Kennecke: And then there's some guilt after they die. They have some guilt because they were angry. They were like, what are you doing? Why do you look like this? Why do you act like this? It affects the whole family 

[00:15:18] Teresa Carreon: so much.

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:15:22] Angela Kennecke: Heidi's substance use disorder not only affected her siblings and parents, but also her children. When Heidi started a new relationship with a different man, Quinn, her drug use escalated. Teresa became the primary caregiver of her grandchildren.

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:15:43] Teresa Carreon: She was really strung out at that point. She just didn't care anymore, before it was, okay, I'll, you know, I'll stay here with the kids too. And it got to a point where I had the kids and she just was gone,  you know?

And then she would just call up every now and then. And want to come see them.   that was the most difficult because she would come home, the kids think that she's there to stay and then she's gone the next day. 

[00:16:14] Angela Kennecke: Heartbreaking. Heartbreaking. 

[00:16:17] Teresa Carreon: Yeah. Yeah.

 (MUSIC UP!) 

[00:16:19] Angela Kennecke: The heartbreak continued when Heidi lost who she considered to be the love of her. At age 30, Quinn died from drug overdose. (MUSIC UP!) 

[00:16:31] Teresa Carreon: she was with him, I guess they had an argument.

I am not really sure everything, but then she went and stayed with, you know, a friend. Well there was a cop in Lehigh who really tried to help my daughter get herself together. He really was amazing with her and he knew both of them. And the night that he passed, he actually got the call and reached out and told my daughter that he overdosed.

[00:17:00] Angela Kennecke: He had overdosed in his mom's basement, And mom found him. (MUSIC UP!) Quinn's cause of death was a mixture of drugs, including Lorazepam and heroin. Experts say When these two drugs are taken together, it is particularly dangerous.

 (MUSIC UP!) 

[00:17:21] Teresa Carreon: Heidi used to tell me, I can't believe it, because he always knew, what not to do. He knew how to do it. And I said, nobody knows. Like, you can't say that you know how to not die. 

[00:17:33] Angela Kennecke: That's the delusional thinking of the brain, that they think that they won't be the ones to do that thing.

[00:17:38] Teresa Carreon: Exactly. 

[00:17:39] Angela Kennecke: Whatever it is. So was she affected by his death? 

 She was head over heels for Quinn. She was in love, in love with Quinn. And then she just proceeded to go back and forth with her addiction 

[00:17:54] Angela Kennecke: right after Quinn died. You must have been really worried that was gonna happen to her. 

[00:17:58] Teresa Carreon: Extremely. I was actually the first person she called. And she was broken. And it wasn't just then it was, she never healed from that. She never healed because she just, I don't know if she held onto an obsession but she said she was in love with him.

 (MUSIC UP!) 

[00:18:18] Angela Kennecke: Despite losing loved ones to drugs, Heidi continues to struggle herself with substance use.

[00:18:30] Teresa Carreon: (MUSIC UP!) Heidi ended up going to jail. She got out, it was, I'm gonna get into rehab. The problem with rehab is she would reach out, but they wouldn't have a bed.

And that was the biggest problem because if they don't have a bed then and she's not waiting, she's not waiting. Right. And she stayed with me and then she would look for an argument, just to go do whatever she wanted. And I actually took her to a meeting and we argued on the way there because the thing with Heidi is when she would like get out of jail or rehab, the first thing she wanted do was get a job, but she needed to focus on her recovery.

And I knew that her getting a job meant her having money to go use. And it always ended up that way. So I went back to pick her up and she was gone. She just took off just with some stranger. And that was when I lost contact with her for, a week or two. And then she would reach out and, you know, she decided, yeah, I'm, you know, I'm going into rehab.

It was the continuous, I'm trying to get in rehab. I've called them. I've, you know, I've added my name to the list. And there were times where she did. She would even send me the email she sent, but then she stopped calling the rehabs and she just kept using and, and then she would say, you know, I want to come see the kids.

And she come see the kids. it got to a point, and I will say this proudly because I, I'm sorry to say proudly, but it got to a point where she would come over and leave and the kids were so broken.

And I was always trying to pick up the pieces that it became too much. So then she would call and say she was coming and not come. So one time she called and said, I want to come see the kids. And I just couldn't do it anymore. I said, you need to get clean. Your probation officer's looking for you. You have a warrant, I recommend you get in rehab.

And at that point it kind of kept her from coming around. She would call until she got arrested the last time. And that last time she was ordered six months in jail for the first time ever. I had wrote the judge a letter requested, if you release her, release her to rehab, don't release her, and then tell her to go to rehab because she won't go.

So she got six months did four. He did order her to rehab, but released her. But she did go into rehab that time. She got into rehab, did her time into rehab. I believe it was six months, but that was where her kids could go. So it was women and children. So she had to transition in first, then the kids went and she completed it.

She did amazing. Then if she attended this church, they'll put her on housing. She did that. She got put on housing and she got an apartment in the recovery community, So did you think that she was doing better? 

I did. I did. She was doing better. She was doing great. 

 (MUSIC UP) 

[00:21:44] Angela Kennecke: At that time, Heidi was pregnant with her third child. The child's father was also in recovery, and the two had met at a meeting.

 (MUSIC UP!) 

[00:22:00] Teresa Carreon: I had no reason to be worried because she was doing everything right. and I had my daughter back for the first time in many years.

I had my daughter back and she had her babies I had no reason to be worried, but Father's Day weekend, something just didn't sit right with me. And so I had this feeling, this mom feeling, which I haven't had over the whole year.

 I chalked it up to him. Maybe it's cuz she's pregnant, you know? And so the day before she passed, my husband and I went over and spent the day with her and Everything was so all over the place. It's the best way I can describe it. And that was the moment I felt like there was something not right.

 I asked Heidi, If she was okay. And she's like, yeah, I'm just tired. And so we decided to go home later.

 I just remember she wanted me to stay, And the one thing about my daughter is when she would use, she didn't want me around, so that's why I was like, it didn't make sense, you know? That's why I was like, no, I'm just being paranoid because Heidi wouldn't want me here if she was using and she didn't sneak off anywhere, she wasn't in a bathroom for an hour. It's just a feeling. We went to the store, she asked me to take her to get a money order for her rent.

[00:23:23] Teresa Carreon: I took her and we were coming back and we got to the house and all of a sudden she's like, I can't find the money order. she left it at the store. and it's things like that, it just started like bothering me because she would do that a lot. But my daughter was also super ADD. She was already all over the place.

[00:23:44] Angela Kennecke: But she asked you to stay, but you had to go home, right? You were going to go home? 

[00:23:48] Teresa Carreon: Yeah. actually what she said is, Nana's leaving, like, she was trying to make me feel bad. Um, But. You know, she just, I think she wanted me to stay longer, but she was kind of like, make me feel bad because I did, I had to go home and I had things to do, but I know she probably wanted me to stay and that's something that I, just by her comments that I struggled with.

 (MUSIC UP!) 

[00:24:14] Angela Kennecke: In fact, that would be the last time Theresa would see her daughter the following day. Theresa talked to Heidi on the phone about their upcoming 4th of July barbecue, exciting plans that came to an end that night.

 (MUSIC UP!) 

[00:24:50] Teresa Carreon: About 1, 1:30 my dogs start barking. so I'm telling my husband, what's wrong with the dogs? And so he got up to go check. And for some reason I felt something in my gut and I literally felt like there was a police officer at my door. Can't tell you how many times I had that happen with Heidi during her addiction, but she hadn't been using. So why would I feel that way? So as I got up to walk out, my husband walked up and said, there's an officer that wants to speak to you. And so I went down and I can't tell you exactly the whole conversation. I think he asked if I was Heidi's mom. And I said my exact words were, yeah, what did she.

And he said, can I come in and talk to you? And at that point I'm still half asleep and I'm like, well, can you just tell me what she did? And he, you know, he asked one more time and I said, okay. And so as I go to let him in, and I'm like I said, is, you know, is everything okay? And by the look on his face, I knew it wasn't.

And that's when he told me that my daughter had passed away.

[00:26:07] Angela Kennecke: What did you later learn had happened? 

[00:26:11] Teresa Carreon: Well, at that point he said, because the kids were living with Heidi and he said we need you to go get your grandkids. So my husband and I jumped in the car and he drove me over there, and I wasn't getting 100% information at that point because honestly, I just wanted to get to my babies, I wanted to get them because they found her. My grandson is the one that found her.

[00:26:41] Angela Kennecke: Do they talk about that? Did they talk about it at the time? 

[00:26:44] Teresa Carreon: We did talk about it. It's the one thing I can say is, and I don't know if you agree with this, but the loss of a child or a mother, I always say it's like a brain injury.

[00:26:58] Angela Kennecke: I do agree with that. I do agree.

[00:27:00] Teresa Carreon: After Heidi passed, I couldn't even think beyond the last year.

I couldn't think about her addiction. It's a healing process. There's so much that I forgot. And so I did talk to my grandkids very gently at first to see what they knew.

[00:27:21] Angela Kennecke: And they were how old when she died? 

[00:27:23] Teresa Carreon: Four and six. 

[00:27:24] Angela Kennecke: Four and six. So if she's got a four and a six year old there and they find her. 

[00:27:30] Teresa Carreon: My grandson now, he was the only one that could get up on the chair to unlock the door.

So I guess Lacey was in the bed and he was in the living room and Heidi was in the bathroom. And he said that he went to go look for his mom and that she was in the bathroom. All I know is Heidi, the way she was sitting, that she was blocking the door, which.

gives me peace because I think that means they, I never did find out if they went, if he went in all the way, I don't think he was able to, but I know that whatever it was made him go to Lacey and wake her up and say, I think mommy's dead.

And so he got on the couch and unlocked the door and they ran to Stephanie's house who was actually with her earlier that night doing it. 

[00:28:28] Angela Kennecke: And you later learned her cause of death. 

[00:28:32] Teresa Carreon: Yeah, overdose. 

[00:28:35] Angela Kennecke: Of? 

[00:28:36] Teresa Carreon: Heroin and meth. 

[00:28:38] Angela Kennecke: And so do you think that she, you know, had gone back to using regular levels that she hadn't used because she'd been doing better for a while? I mean, I'm just kind of wondering like, why did she overdose this time? 

[00:28:48] Teresa Carreon: the fact that she had been clean for so long I think there's a possibility that she did smoke it when I was concerned.

And she maybe thought that she had built up to it. I can't even imagine because Heidi knew. She always told me the dangerous part isn't when you're in full addiction, it's when you quit and pick up again. So she knew that. 

[00:29:14] Angela Kennecke: It's so hard because here she is using while she's pregnant, which is just so awful. Right. None of us want to think that's ever going to happen. Right. And the baby dies too. 

[00:29:25] Teresa Carreon: Right.

I've had so many different scenarios in my head. I've had somebody say

God knew Heidi couldn't go by herself, so he gave her, you know, the baby

I feel like God gave me two know, and then I don't wanna say he took two, because I don't mean that in a bad way, but that's what I feel like, he knew I needed Lacy and Caden and they needed me, that we needed each other.

Cause we have always been really close, 

[00:29:59] Angela Kennecke: you, you were their caretaker. I mean, you really were, you were the consistent one there for them. So how has the loss of their mom and going through all this, having her, not having her, then the loss of her finding her, how has all of this impacted your grandkids?

[00:30:14] Teresa Carreon: There were a couple times we were going to put them in counseling, but because of how they lived with us, more than they didn't.

And so transitioning into our home was like their home. It wasn't something they weren't familiar with. And so I think that made it easier, and sadly, they tell me all the time, we've spent more time with you than our own mom. And that breaks my heart because that is a sad truth. They had a very short time of knowing her four and six years, take away all the times that she was away and in rehab or you know, in jail.

And so I was told, don't open wounds unless necessary. And so my grandson went through an anger stage really bad. My granddaughter, she'll talk about it, but she doesn't talk about it. And now she's 10 years old and she's going to start, you know, this is where she's going to miss her mom.

This is where he's going to miss his mom. when she has her first relationship, when she graduates, when they get married, you know, when amazing things happen. When, when they have a bad day, those are the moments, 

[00:31:28] Angela Kennecke: but they have you. 

[00:31:31] Teresa Carreon: Yeah, they have us. Yeah.

[00:31:34] Angela Kennecke: You're among the millions of grandparents raising grandchildren because of this horrible drug epidemic. You're not alone. 

[00:31:41] Teresa Carreon: sadly. No. 

[00:31:44] Angela Kennecke: Is it hard? Are you tired?

[00:31:47] Teresa Carreon: When I hit 50, yeah. but they keep me young, And they're good kids. 

[00:31:52] Angela Kennecke: is it nice to have couple of pieces of her left behind on this planet?

 Because I don't have that with my daughter. I didn't want her to have a baby at 21, especially in the state she was in. But I often think I'll never have that grandchild. 

[00:32:08] Teresa Carreon: Right.

They are a blessing. And they've taught me strength. You know, as much as I'm sure I've been strength for them, especially after losing Heidi. Heidi and I were, it was her and I against the family. We were random, we were annoying, we annoyed the boys. It was just who we were. We were two peas in a pod, and I miss her, you know?

[00:32:32] Teresa Carreon: She was my best friend. And I thank her every day for Lacey and Caden. 

But I miss her. I miss the opportunity of never holding her, meeting my grandson. You know, just three weeks before she passed, I saw him in the sonogram. So that was when I met him.

[00:32:51] Angela Kennecke: Devastating. That's what comes to mind. Devastating all of it for so many people, for you, for the rest of your family, for her kids, everybody. It's just devastating. What's helped you cope the most? 

[00:33:06] Teresa Carreon: Time. The first year all I wanted to do was visit and be with her. I felt like that's where I needed to be, each year to me is different than last year I turned 50 and Heidi and I used to joke about how I was going to be 50 and she was going to be 30. And so I struggled with that one. I struggled with when she turned 30. That was really hard. But time is is the only healing.

live for today cuz tomorrow isn't promised. And I hold onto Lacy and Caden, and my boys, oh my God, I would be lost without my boys. They have been the biggest support and they're all they're all mama boys. And I just am so grateful for them. They're amazing with the kids, they love Lacy and Caden, they would do anything for them.

As my husband, I would be lost without my husband's support. But as a family, we do it together. 

[00:34:03] Angela Kennecke: And then there's TikTok. So let's talk about that. When did you get on TikTok and what are you trying to do there? 

[00:34:11] Teresa Carreon: Two years ago, I have a friend that's on there, and she, her story's a whole different thing, but I talked to her about it and I was worried, especially talking about my daughter being pregnant and overdosing that, trolls, haters, they're going to let you have it. But I decided, you know what? If her story can save one life, it's worth it. 

And so I started sharing and it's amazing the support I've gotten, you know, the relationships that I've built and the recovery community, people that are struggling. it's bigger than what I ever imagine, you know, a bigger problem.

 a lot of family struggling. I've had so many reach out to me, talking about how Heidi's story has saved them from picking up. It's amazing. 

[00:35:01] Angela Kennecke: Do you feel like you're finding purpose in your pain, in your loss? 

[00:35:07] Teresa Carreon: It's helped me heal. It really has. Sharing her story. At first I really struggled with that and now I'm able to share more.

And like I said, the first, you know, at first it's like your brain shuts down. And so now I'm starting to open up, different areas of her life and her addiction and. It is, it's a big healing process as I'm sure you feel doing your segments and stuff. So 

[00:35:34] Angela Kennecke: yeah, the whole charity and all the work I do now is all directed toward trying to help other people to try to prevent this kind of thing from happening to other families.

[00:35:45] Teresa Carreon: I love it. I love it. But I'm so sorry that we are here having to have this conversation for this reason. But maybe our purpose is to help others. 

[00:35:59] Angela Kennecke: And I think we mothers, especially moms and grandmoms, have to band together to change hearts and minds and to change what we're doing and how we're doing it in this country to save lives.

It's ridiculous how out of hand this is. 

[00:36:15] Teresa Carreon: Yep, I agree. 

[00:36:18] Angela Kennecke: So thank you for all you're doing too. 

Thank you too. And thank you for having me on your show. I really appreciate it. (MUSIC UP!) Thank you for joining me for this latest episode of Grieving Out Loud. You can listen to more episodes and read my blogs on our website, Emily's Hope Charity. Until next time, wishing you faith, hope, and courage.