[00:00:00] Angela Kennecke: I am journalist Angela Kennecke your host of Grieving Out Loud. We have a very special episode this week with a recipient of an Emily's Hope Treatment Scholarship, who is now in recovery for a substance use disorder. 

[00:00:16] Jeff Grossman: I realized that when I drank it kind of took my mind off of those things and I was able to be comfortable in my own skin. For almost a decade my drinking became more and more destructive.

[00:00:30] Angela Kennecke: Jeff Grossman didn't experiment with alcohol in high school. He didn't even drink in college.

[00:00:36] Jeff Grossman: My substance use issues started about 22 years old. And my drug of choice was alcohol. I, for the vast majority of my life have struggled with my identity and who I am.

And I found comfort and solace and, and alcohol and 22 years old you know, I was finally, I was honest with my loved ones about. You know who I am as a person. I'm talking about sexuality. I had this internalized homophobia I think quite a bit. And 22 years old was actually the age that I came out and everyone in my family friends, family, they were all very supportive. But yet I couldn't find that support within myself. And so I realized that when I drank it kind of took my mind off of those things and I was able to be comfortable in my own skin more so than. Than you know, day-to-day life. So for almost a decade my drinking became more and more destructive. And when you use a substance as a coping mechanism , it's just gonna make things worse and it's just gonna continue to make things worse. Until either you find yourself in treatment getting sober or behind bars, or to be blunt, dead.

[00:02:05] Angela Kennecke: Studies have shown that L G B T Q individuals are more likely to use and abuse substances, including alcohol and illicit drugs due to a variety of factors such as stigma, discrimination, and minority stress. For example, a national survey conducted in the US found that L B LGBTQ adults were nearly twice as likely to have used illicit drugs in the past year compared to heterosexual adults. They were also more likely to have engaged in binge drinking and heavy drinking.

[00:02:43] Jeff Grossman: In the lGBTQ plus community, suicide rates are already much, much higher for a number of reasons. Society, a lot of times you'll hear certain people denigrate this community and there's all these bills being passed to, to basically make these people feel like they're subpar to the rest of society. So I believe that, when they turn to drinking or another drug, to me they're all drugs. They're all the same. A mind altering substance.

They find comfort in those. It would honestly make me forget who I was. And what I mean by that is that discomfort that I constantly felt would, would go away for a while. But then the problem with that is I became somebody else. It would bring out anger, it would bring out sadness. 

There's been numerous low points. You hear the term like hitting rock bottom, right? Well, you can still go, go further down. You think you hit bottom and then if you don't change your ways trust me, the bottom can keep going down and you can get to a point where you can climb out on your own.

I've lost relationships that meant the world to me. I've betrayed a lot of very good friends. Not necessarily intentionally. I've lost jobs all of those things. Every time something like that would happen, I felt like , that was the absolute lowest. Right? I had to figure it out. Well I didn't and then the next time around it's even worse. And even in those periods of sobriety, when those things are going on if you're not addressing the core issues because. I believe it's 60 to 70% of substance use disorders. There's a co-occurring disorder as well too. If you're not getting to the root of that, cause even those periods of sobriety are miserable. 

And the only thing I knew was to try and get out of that horrible just mental state I was in was to go back and, and I, I knew it was the wrong choice. But you are literally, rewiring your brain when, when you're using substances. And, and it gets to the point where your, your brain literally tells you you need it, you have to do this.

If you do this, it's going to make everything better. Which we know is not the case. It's a very difficult thing.

 (Music break/transition) 

[00:05:19] Jeff Grossman: People that are considered normal drinkers; you go out and, and have a few drinks and have a good time. To me, it was never about having a good time. Even if I had that intention going into an event of some kind, a wedding, a bar, whatever to have fun within an hour I would be so drunk that I would be embarrassing myself and, and everyone around me just because those emotions, those anger emotions, sadness. That's what would come up immediately. And then it would lead to just very self-destructive behavior.

A lot of times would get behind the wheel after these events and and just put others' lives in danger. My life in danger. 

[00:06:05] Angela Kennecke: Looking back on it now, one year into recovery, Jeff can see the risks He. However, people in active addiction are often in denial about the severity of their problem and the risks associated with driving drunk. They may believe that they can handle the effects of alcohol and are not as impaired as they actually are.

[00:06:30] Jeff Grossman: So when you're, when you're an active substance abuser obviously we know that these things limit your judgment and, and your ability to reason. So when you're in that state of mind, , especially when you drank as often as I did, and as much as I did getting behind the wheel was honestly, it was something I was used to.

I, and I hate to say that out loud but it's just your, your judgment is so inhibited that. To you. It's, it's nothing. It's nothing truly. You know, I, I had driven drunk more times than I could ever count and with no issues. 

[00:07:15] Angela Kennecke: Jeff did rack up a few drunk driving charges, but he continued to get behind the wheel after drinking.

[00:07:24] Jeff Grossman: You just never think anything's gonna happen to you, right? And unfortunately, as I know that, that that's not the case. 

 (Music transition here/dramatic) 

[00:07:32] Jeff Grossman: I was involved in an accident one night driving home from a bar. I had had a few drinks. My plan was to continue drinking once I got home.

I wasn't, I wasn't in a blackout state, yet. But that was my intention because that was what I did. I had had a few drinks and I was heading, heading home, driving my vehicle, a thing I had done a thousand times. I wasn't even speeding or, or outside of my lane or anything like that. But, you know, accidents, you, you hear the term all the time, accidents happen. Wrong place, wrong time. And unfortunately, and it did happen.

[00:08:10] Angela Kennecke: Jeff hit a pedestrian who was sent to the hospital. He agreed to share this part of the story, but only on the condition that we don't get into the details of his criminal case. However, it was a life defining moment for Jeff.

[00:08:28] Jeff Grossman: At that moment I felt like I had two options. And those were either, I figure this out. Because I had been in and out of treatments for almost 10 years and I had maintained periods of sobriety but I don't think I ever mastered what to do when a traumatic event would happen in my life and a few months prior to this accident.

I lost a very good friend of mine which sent me on a very downward spiral. And, and then that night happened . And it was either, I absolutely have to get sober or quite literally, I was going to go to prison for a very good amount of time or.

I was going to hurt more people, or to be honest myself. 

[00:09:14] Angela Kennecke: Despite being in and out of treatment for the last 10 years. This time was different and something deep inside Jeff told. It was his last chance.

[00:09:27] Jeff Grossman: Life really is beautiful and I can really see that now this last year. And there's so many people out there that, that love me and that support me and that I love and I support and I just couldn't bear the thought of not having them around anymore, or myself not being around them anymore. And so I decided I was gonna do whatever it takes to, to get sober and to stay sober. 

 Shortly after this accident I was looking into inpatient treatment centers. and it was really good timing. The Avera Addiction Care Center had just recently opened. And they were modeled after Hazelden Betty Ford in Minnesota so I was very, very interested in going there.

[00:10:13] Angela Kennecke: However, the cost of treatment was a major obstacle in getting the help he needed. 

[00:10:23] Jeff Grossman: I do have health insurance, which would've covered a good portion, but I was left with approximately $6,000 out of pockets. Which when you're inactive substance abuser your financial status usually is not great. So I needed the, I needed help, I needed the money, and I reached out to Avera. They were so incredibly welcoming and supportive and were willing to do anything for me. Right then and there, I knew that that was the right choice. But again, the financial aspect and so. I had asked is there any sort of scholarship or program, any sort of funding?

[00:11:06] Angela Kennecke: That's when Jeff learned about the Emily's Hope treatment scholarships.

[00:11:13] Jeff Grossman: And I was very blessed to receive a good portion of that $6,000 from Emily's Hope. And without that, I don't think I would be here right now today. The Emily's Hope scholarship gave me, literally gave me the ability to go to treatment and, and took that excuse away from me, that financial burden, you know, that I, I couldn't say, Hey, I can't afford it. I guess I'm just outta luck, you know? And it saved my life. It really did.

 (Music break) 

[00:11:50] Jeff Grossman: What that did for me allowed me to go there and my experience there was phenomenal. I had been to Hazelden, and Hazelden is known to be the world, the standard, the world standard in treatment. Avera is 100 times better than my experience at Hazeldon. So. without that experience and without the follow up with the outpatient therapy without all the support that I continue to receive, even after leaving Avera. If I had not had those things, I don't know that I would be here right now. For that, I (am) eternally grateful and it's put me in this mindset now where I want to just give back. I want to help as much as I possibly can just to help people with substance use disorders but also end the stigma of addiction. 

[00:12:46] Angela Kennecke: Jeff struggled with relapse after previous treatments, but that hasn't been the case now. 

[00:12:53] Jeff Grossman: So this time around after treatment and after this accident, all of a sudden people that you don't know are involved and their lives are changed forever and. , I just simply could not ever allow that to happen again. And I saw what it did to my family. I've seen what it continues to do to me to this day. So I knew that I had to make the most of the shot. It's different for everyone. Everyone's addiction is different. And so everyone's recovery is different as well and what works for them. For me, what I've discovered works well with for me is being involved with people that are currently suffering and also telling my story and just being honest because I spent so much of my life being dishonest with myself and with everyone else. And so this last year and a little over, since this has all occurred, I've taken all that energy that I put into drinking and using and I decided, you know, now that that's not there anymore and I've figured out as far as coping mechanisms, I've figured out certain ones that help me.

 (Upbeat music break) 

[00:14:10] Jeff Grossman: I was able to redirect that energy more towards helping and ending the stigma and just telling people that if I can do this because I was so bad. If I can do this, I believe anyone can. It's just, you just have to be willing to and if somebody were to come up to me and say, Hey, I know your story.

And I really truly want to be sober. I just don't know how to do it. I'm 100 percent on board with them and willing to do whatever I can. And it's not all about helping other people too, because when I go and speak at the Avera Addiction Care Center, their current inpatient group, that helps me too, that holds me accountable. I feel like I have a duty to, since I've gotten so much better. So when I speak to these people and they ask me questions and I ask them questions it helps everyone. It does.

[00:15:10] Angela Kennecke: Jeff has now faced his emotions and personal issues in a way he never has before.

[00:15:20] Jeff Grossman: I really had to do some, some deep thinking about what matters and I had to get rid of that guilt and that shame and this shame I felt for being gay. I realized that if anybody has a problem with that, that's their problem.

I now am able to confidently say that I love myself and I am who I am. I'm comfortable in my own skin now and I'm able to do things like this and go and speak at Avera or go to an AA meeting and share things because I'm comfortable with sharing what's on my mind or what I've experienced myself.

And it, it all really goes back to just being honest. Honesty. truly is, I think, one of the keys to overcoming one's addictions. 

[00:16:21] Angela Kennecke: Jeff believes Emily's hope is greatly needed in a world where deaths from overdose and alcohol are on the rise.

[00:16:34] Jeff Grossman: So Emily's Hope you know, unfortunately was created under some devastating circumstances. But with organizations like Emily's Hope it not only shows people how prevalent this is and how serious this is. There's something like 20 million people that are active substance abusers in the United States and 90% of those people will not seek treatment. The number one priority of Emily's Hope is helping people to overcome their addictions and get sober.

And it's also ending that stigma. This stigma you're just a bad person. It's a moral failing. You're a stain on society, that sort of thing. And that is not true. Some of the best people, the most amazing people with the biggest hearts some incredibly intelligent people suffer from addiction. It does not discriminate. So that stigma needs to be eliminated because if it is not, we will continue on this road.

But if we can work to get rid of it, which is what Emily's hope is absolutely devoted to doing we can tell people that it's okay to reach out and ask for help. So people just need to understand that just because you are addicted to a certain substance that doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that there's a sickness that needs to be addressed, and there's no need to be ashamed about that or feel guilty about that. Addiction is a disease. It is a disease of the brain. And the more people that understand that, the better we will all be in the long run. 

[00:18:29] Angela Kennecke: Jeff is currently serving a prison sentence for his involvement in the drunk driving crash more than a year. His job is being held for him and he hopes to go back to school to study addiction. You can watch Jeff's story on our website, Emily's Hope, charity, and check out other episodes of Grieving Out Loud.

Until next time, wishing you faith, hope, and courage.​