[00:00:00] Angela Kennecke: This is Grieving Out Loud, and I'm your host, Angela Kenneke. Grief is a heavy burden, a journey that changes us forever. Each person's path through it is uniquely painful. Today, one in nearly three Americans has felt the devastating loss of someone to a drug overdose or fentanyl poisoning. It's a heartbreaking reality that weighs heavy on our communities and leaves families shattered.

[00:00:33] Bradi Harrison Nathan: He had taken a Percocet. And I remember thinking at the time, well, Percocet is not causing you to not wake up in the morning. I wasn't as familiar with fentanyl as I am today. 

[00:00:44] Matt Capelouto: I got a call from my youngest daughter, Sky, who just said, Dad, get home, Alex is dead. And of course, the worst. You know, saying any parent can hear and terrible that her sister had to be the one to make that phone call to her dad.

[00:00:58] Angela Kennecke: Today's guest has tragically lost not just one, but two children to America's drug epidemic. She knows the pain and isolation that comes with losing loved ones in such a stigmatized way and is now on a mission to help other grieving mothers. 

[00:01:15] Cheryl Juaire: When Corey passed, I had nobody to talk to. I had nobody. To comfort me, to bring me casseroles.

I had none of that.

[00:01:31] Angela Kennecke: Joining me today is Cheryl Jair and I met Cheryl at International Overdose Awareness Day in Washington DC at the White House when we were both invited to take part in sort of a workshop meeting of many other people throughout the country who share a similar experience that both Cheryl and I share.

However, Cheryl's grief is times two because she lost two sons. And Cheryl, I am so horribly sorry for your losses. 

[00:02:02] Cheryl Juaire: Thank you. 

[00:02:04] Angela Kennecke: Let's just dive right in to the story of your family and what happened. And it starts with your son 

[00:02:12] Cheryl Juaire: Corey, right? Corey, he started taking opioids when he had a hernia surgery when he was 15 years old.

He became addicted. And back then, I knew nothing about addiction. So as he got a little bit older and he became a little bit rebellious, I thought it was just a choice. I thought it was a choice that he had in school and that he could just stop and that's what I would tell him most of the time. It's just, Corey, just stop.

Now grow up. You're an adult now. But I'm like, you're on food stamps. You're in public housing. This is not how I raised my kids to be. So, you know, I shamed him and I feel horrible about that. But 

[00:02:53] Angela Kennecke: Cheryl, don't you think most of us probably, as parents, did that because this is not the way our kids were supposed to act.

This is not what they were supposed to do. They knew right from wrong. And when you don't really understand addiction as a disease of the brain and all the factors that go into it, hereditary, environment, all these things, I think we were all told, you know, you've got to be tougher on them. You've got to be strict.

You've got to Lay down the law, sometimes try to scare them out of this, but that doesn't work, 

[00:03:22] Cheryl Juaire: right? Well, we've learned it doesn't work. Yeah, right. Unfortunately, back then in 2011, we weren't talking about opioids and addiction, and at least we weren't around my group, you know, of folks. We didn't know anything about it at the time.

[00:03:43] Angela Kennecke: But Cheryl sadly learned more about opioids and substance use disorder than she ever wanted to. Not only did her son Cory struggle with addiction, but another one of her three sons, Sean, also began battling the same 

[00:03:56] Cheryl Juaire: demons. So Sean and Cory used to do drugs together. Sean would tell you that Cory actually introduced Sean to what they call happy pills.

So when Sean was just not feeling too well, he got some of these happy pills from Cory. So I would just, you know, tell him, you know, just stop. 

[00:04:17] Angela Kennecke: Unfortunately, that tactic didn't work. In 2011, Corey died from a heroin overdose. He was just 23, and at that time, Cheryl didn't know anyone else with a child who had died, let alone from a stigmatized overdose.

When 

[00:04:32] Cheryl Juaire: Corey passed, I had nobody. to talk to. I had nobody to comfort me, to bring me casseroles. I had none of that. Cory died from an overdose and we, we buried him and life went on. 

[00:04:47] Angela Kennecke: Behind closed doors, Cheryl battled her overwhelming grief. Her children also 

[00:04:51] Cheryl Juaire: struggled with their own heartache. And Sean was absolutely mortified when Corey passed, and so he really nose dived deep into addiction because he was in so much pain.

But then Sean ended up going to Teen Challenge, the Christian rehab, and he was there for 15 months, and he thrived. He did really, really well. As a matter of fact, he did so well. They hired him on staff, and he helped so many people. He saved so many lives from addiction. That was his calling. And then one day, he just had a bad day, and his father in law was dying of cancer, and he went into the medicine cabinet, and just said, You know what, I'm just gonna take one, just to calm down and relax, and You can't just take one after being in addiction.

That 

[00:05:45] Angela Kennecke: one pill led to a quick downward spiral into substance use disorder. It was a 

[00:05:51] Cheryl Juaire: fast, fast decline. There was no getting him out of it. He was married, and so he lived in a house with his wife and 12 year old son. She found him smoking crack in the basement and threw him out. And he could only see his son with supervised visits, and that's not something he was used to.

[00:06:14] Angela Kennecke: On top of not seeing his family as often, Sean also became more isolated during the COVID 19 pandemic, and he lost the job he loved. 

[00:06:25] Cheryl Juaire: So I was driving to the Cape to pick up my son as we had a graduation party to go to the next day. And I started calling him a few times to make sure that he was awake because he did like to sleep.

And he didn't answer, so I figured I would get down there and have to wake him up. My husband was with me, and as we arrived at this place that he was staying at, My husband went upstairs to, he didn't want me to go up for some reason, but he went upstairs and knocked on the door and Sean didn't answer, so he opened the door and, and he found Sean, he, he was sitting actually Indian style between the bed and the wall, and all you could see was his head and his shoulders, so I had asked the police and the coroner if I could go up and see my son, and they didn't want me to do that, but I insisted and, They allowed me to do that because there wasn't really a whole lot to see.

And so I went to the top of the stairs and I looked at my son, and I just said, Sean, I love you, my son, with that, and I know this is going to sound crazy, but I had a vision that came in front of my face, of my son's face, with the biggest smile on his face that I've ever seen. And I knew that I knew that God saved him.

He was home. He was home. 

[00:07:54] Angela Kennecke: Well, I'm glad you had that because I cannot even fathom the devastation of losing two children. Of course, it's always a fear after you lose one. And obviously that vision has given you comfort. That vision brought me so much comfort. Have you lost a loved one to overdose or fentanyl poisoning?

I'd like to invite you to share their story on our new Emily's Hope Memorial website called More Than Just a Number. They were our children, siblings, cousins, husbands, wives, aunts, uncles, So much more than just a number. You can submit a memorial today on morethanjustanumber. org. In addition to her vision, Cheryl was thankful for the organization that she founded

in 2015 named Team Sharing. The group provides support and friendship to those who have lost a child to substance use disorder. For Cheryl, Team Sharing made the support after losing her second son to fentanyl in a cocaine overdose a long time. This 

[00:09:04] Cheryl Juaire: time, my closest friends are families that have lost children.

They're my family. And so when they found out that I had lost Sean, they came to my house. There was about 20 moms at my house. They brought food. They made sure I laid down. I took a nap, that I had everything I need. They took care of me through the wake, through the funeral. and long after. That was such a huge difference.

And, you know, and I said to them, you've lost your own kids. Why would you do this? Like, it's a hard thing to do to go to a funeral in a wake of a child when you've lost yours. And they said, Cheryl, you don't know what you've done for us. I had no idea because we support each other. And that's what we do.

And so that's what they were saying. Is you support us. Now we're here to support you 

[00:10:05] Angela Kennecke: and that comfort and support made it possible for you to bear the grief of losing a second son. 

[00:10:12] Cheryl Juaire: Yes, 

[00:10:13] Angela Kennecke: it was instrumental. Natalie Eisenberg, who started a passion project to educate others about grief after losing her mother.

Join me on a previous episode of Grieving Out Loud. She says that one of the best things you can do for someone who's lost a loved one is to just show up and be there for them. 

[00:10:34] Natalie Eisenberg: So this is one of those things that I, I know I fell down on before I learned this personally. So of course I had people in my life lose parents or lose loved ones.

I maybe didn't even go to the visitation. You know, I maybe didn't even send a card. Because my thought process was like, well, I didn't know their dad, you know, that kind of thing. And maybe I sent a text message or something like that. But so the showing up, I just can't believe the feeling of seeing some people at those events that you maybe didn't expect somebody from, you know, a past professional relationship to show up or friendship from a long time ago.

And they show up and. It just, it was so meaningful to, to have those experiences. So now I know when somebody in my life experiences this, I am definitely going to show up and I'm definitely going to go to the visitation, even if I didn't know the person who passed. It's all about the survivor, you know, the surviving family and loved ones.

I used to think, Oh, I don't like funerals. 

[00:11:31] Angela Kennecke: You know, I don't like funerals. I can't. Yeah. I used to think, well, why would I go to that? Yeah, I didn't know their parent or whatever. And that has completely changed for me that I will always show up if someone I know has lost somebody, even if I didn't know their loved one.

But I think a lot of people feel the way that you and I felt before this thing happened to us. 

[00:11:50] Natalie Eisenberg: It's uncomfortable. You know, it's a little bit of an uncomfortable setting, but it's the most uncomfortable is for the people who lost the loved ones. So just show up, absolutely show up. And a text message is awesome.

Every single acknowledgement is meaningful. 

[00:12:05] Angela Kennecke: I think, like, I don't remember the text. I remember getting texts, but I can't tell you who texts me and who didn't during that time. Of course, this was a sudden death. I wasn't prepared for this. I don't know if you have a better memory than I do since you knew this was happening or if this is for like for everybody.

Remembering who texts me is not necessarily something, I mean I probably appreciated the texts at the time and I knew I was getting that support or those vibes being sent my way but I did save the cards and I do know I believe I remember almost everybody who showed up at the visitation and or the funeral.

For those who have lost a child to illicit drugs, connecting with others who have lost someone to addiction can be especially comforting. Nobody can really understand losing someone in this stigmatized way as well as another parent who's lost someone like this, right? Correct. 

[00:12:56] Cheryl Juaire: And the thing is, what's really sad in this world right now is everybody knows somebody who's been touched by addiction.

I mean, we scream loud when we tell the world what addiction is and that it's a disease. And I think in the years since Corey's passed, we have come so far in learning about the disease of addiction. 

[00:13:21] Angela Kennecke: We have a headline on our website because we run news all the time about this epidemic and everything that goes along with it.

Nearly one in three Americans knows someone who has died from a drug overdose, according to new research, so I think you're right. Like, there is a tipping point that has happened where there are so many of us now, you can't push it away in a corner somewhere, right? Exactly. Exactly. But it still has to be very difficult sometimes.

Wrap your head and your heart around the fact. that you don't longer have these sons with you.

Cheryl has three sons, two who have died, and a third, Bobby, who is a police officer. So this is what is always so interesting to me, because, you know, you worry that it's a reflection of your parenting, especially, you know, Back when you were dealing with this, right? Like, this is not how I raised my kid.

Yet, you have another son, an older son, who's a police officer. So, couldn't have gone in a, in a more opposite direction, right? 

[00:14:29] Cheryl Juaire: Right. My oldest son is Bobby, and then 14 months later, I had Sean, and then eight years later, I had Cory. So, Cory was like the baby. He was really spoiled, which I thought played a factor in it, too, because he just always got whatever he wanted, you know, so.

I lost Sean as well and him and Bobby were only 14 months apart. I mean, they were like twins. They came from the same mom, same dad, same family dynamics. My ex husband is an alcoholic. You know, Sean had the gene and Bobby didn't. Cory had the gene. So, it's, it's, it's very difficult. The month of June, for me, Cory's birthday is June 9th.

He would be 37, I believe, this year. He was 23 when he died, so he was just a baby to me, you know, and now 37 is, you know, a grown man, and Sean died on June 25th, and this is his third year, so I'm just feeling a little depressed. I'm just not myself, and, you know, when you have one child left, you know, you always have that fear that something might happen to them.

You know, he's a police officer. Risky business. Risky business. Yeah, it's risky. But also, you know, a lot of the heavy load comes on him because now when it's Mother's Day, it has to be him, you know, my birthday, it has to be him. And I feel so bad because he has a life too, you know, and I'll say it's okay.

I'll, you know, I'll just take off with Peter and we'll go do something. Being alone on Mother's Day is so, so, so hard. So hard. 

[00:16:15] Angela Kennecke: Yeah. And I get what you're saying. June is a tough month for you. May, Mother's Day, the last day I saw my daughter alive, and also the month that she died. And March is her birthday, but I feel like just spring is hard.

You know, spring is a hard time. But May is especially difficult.

Cheryl says her family helps pull her through the tough times, including her seven grandchildren. Sean left behind a son and a daughter and Corey, a little girl named Faye. 

[00:16:46] Cheryl Juaire: I don't think I would have survived had I not had Faith. I was living in Florida when Corey died. And he died up here in Massachusetts, where I'm from.

And so after he died, his girlfriend in faith came down to Florida and I helped raise her for the first three years of her life. That was so helpful to me because I had a reason to live. And so because of that, we're like inseparable. She's going to be with me for the rest of her life. I mean, she doesn't live with me, but she's in my heart and she's with me as much as I can possibly get her.

[00:17:24] Angela Kennecke: In addition to her family, Cheryl says her faith, friends, and helping others have been her lifeline. These relationships and acts of service have been crucial in getting her through 

[00:17:35] Cheryl Juaire: her grief. I just actually started a grief support group, and it's a faith based grief support group from an organization called Hope after lost.

We don't have faith based anything anywhere. So I started that. So it's actually my faith. It's my faith that has gotten me through and my friends, my mom, friends and team sharing. Yeah, and so tell me more about what team sharing is doing. So team sharing was founded when there were seven of us moms that got together that met through a grief group online.

We met in person and we were all from Massachusetts and that's how the group started. We have fun together. You know, we bring joy as much as we can into situations, but we also, when we hear that there's been a passing, we will show up at the wake. And we will give the mother a card. Five or six of us moms will be there and we'll let her know that she's not alone.

Oh, I love that. I love that. And when you're ready, please call us because we're there to help. Because I knew for three years I struggled in my grief because I didn't know anybody. I went to grief groups, but they were grief groups of loss of anybody. It wasn't particular substance use. For more UN videos visit www.

un. org It wasn't particular to the loss of a child, so nobody understood, but these moms did. These moms understood, and that's how this, this started. And we've gone on trips to, we've gone down to Washington, we've gone to the FedUp rallies down there. There's a lakeside retreat we do every single year in the summertime at one of the mom's homes.

We all bring a potluck. There's probably 25, 30 of us that show up. All parents that have lost their child. And we've gone over to other houses and played softball, 60 year old moms all out there playing softball. It's quite a scene. Well, that's 

[00:19:40] Angela Kennecke: awesome. And I think the social connection is so important for everyone's healing.

And when you do feel isolated and alone, that's where things go wrong, right? I mean, I've known parents who have turned to suicide or to substances themselves because it is very isolating. Yeah. And we started a support group at Emily's Hope. It's secular, but it's for anybody who's lost a loved one to overdose or slash fentanyl poisoning.

I have some wonderful mothers that they come back and they keep coming back. And we have some that are really new in their grief and some that are farther along. And I think we all learn from each other and find a lot of consolation in that. I think in person helps so much too. We don't have it online yet because there's something about that personal connection, right?

Like getting together for a retreat or playing softball that It's just so important. It is important. It's so important.

Team Sharing also finds unique ways to support those who are grieving while raising awareness about this horrible drug crisis. For instance, the non profit has created an overdose awareness license plate in Massachusetts. 

[00:20:51] Cheryl Juaire: The way the Registry of Motor Vehicles does it in Massachusetts is you have to fill out an application, be a non profit, my logo is patented, we're trying to get overdose awareness license plates on vehicles in Massachusetts, and in order to do that we need 750 prepaid applications.

of 40 each. So it's a specialty plate which you would add on to your registration every two years when you register your vehicle for an additional 40 every two years. We've got over 500 applications so we've got about 200 and 250 to go. So if anybody's listening from Massachusetts and wants a license plate, Play.

Please reach out. 

[00:21:36] Angela Kennecke: You could find more information on how to connect to team sharing in the show notes of this podcast. While you're there, please take a moment to rate and review this episode. It truly helps our mission to raise awareness about our nation's fentanyl crisis. While decreasing the stigma surrounding substance use disorder and getting people the help that they so desperately need.

If you have an idea for a podcast episode, we'd love to hear from you. You can also find our contact information in the show notes. And what else are you doing at team sharing? 

[00:22:10] Cheryl Juaire: We've worked tirelessly in several states with Congress to try to get our flags lowered to half staff on international overdose awareness.

Stay. And we've got about 13 states that are doing it. Can't get Massachusetts to do it yet. We tried with the former governor, and now with our new governor, they say there's a loophole that if the president says it's okay, and gives the okay, then all the states can lower the flags. And You know, Angela, how important that would be to see, on August 31st, the flags lowered across our country to half staff.

I love that idea. How healing it would be to so many people, how this stigma might go away. Somebody will stop and say, why is that flag lowered to half staff? And then we could have a conversation about why. I've worked probably the past five years. Really hard. Kentucky does it. Delaware does it. Virginia does it.

There's several states that do it every single year, and it's just a work in progress. Last year, on August 31st, when we were at the White House, the woman that was sitting at my table. I had a connection with her, and I explained to her what we've been trying to do, and she promised me that she would help me this year, and so I've been reaching out to her, but if we can get the president just to say yes, it doesn't cost a penny.

then every state can lower the flux. They can do it now, but it's just state by state by state. 

[00:23:54] Angela Kennecke: I'm going to work on my state for you. So I think it's a wonderful idea. It's a no brainer. Why wouldn't we do this? And you know, in 2023, we lost more than 107, 500 people to what the CDC calls overdose. We should be, that should be what's happening.

And it doesn't cost anything like you said, and it's, it's a great way for people to raise awareness, for people to understand what's going on. 

[00:24:16] Cheryl Juaire: Exactly. Exactly. So, so we've been working on that. But internally, you know, we do a lot of things like we have a Christmas party for the children left behind. So here in Massachusetts, we'll have a Christmas party.

We have about 50 children, and they've been doing this for like the last 5 or 6 years. Most of them are the same, but we have obviously new kids that come in. So these kids are growing up together. Like my granddaughter Faith, she's like best friends with another mom's granddaughter, whose name happens to be Faith, and they're the same age.

They've grown up together. They both have lost their dads. And they've grown up together, so. This Christmas party has helped these kids. 

[00:24:58] Angela Kennecke: 321, 000 children have lost a parent in a decade to this epidemic that we're in. So there's a lot of kids out there and they are often forgotten. 

[00:25:09] Cheryl Juaire: That's right. And so we don't just do it, you know, I have a national group of team sharing.

We have over 4, 000 members and I reach out in there and I say, If your child had a child, we want to gift them with a gift. There's no qualifications of income. You know, they've been through enough, and we just want to give them a nice gift, and we, we limit it to a hundred dollar gift, American Girl dolls, or they'll get hoverboards.

They get, you know, really good gifts, and because, you know, the way I look at it is, though, you know, there's a loss of income there, you know, and so why should these kids suffer through no fault of their own? So that's what we do, and that brings me so much joy to do it at Christmas. Right. Right. And so, your team sharing has chapters throughout the country.

We do. We had 23 chapters, but we've limited them. Some of them are now chapters that the admins that were running them anyways are still running them, but under a different name. I had to, uh, slow down just a little bit. It was getting, I'm the only one that works here at team sharing, so I can only do so much.

I do the best I can. Right. 

[00:26:19] Angela Kennecke: When you're a staff of one, you can only do so much. But congratulations on everything that you're doing. And it was such a pleasure to meet you. And I know everyone that was at that meeting at the White House last year was struck by the fact that you held up two pictures, you know, and everyone was holding up one.

And we think that's horrible. And it is. It is. But, um, for you to carry this burden of grief, but to do so much, have so much purpose in your life with what you're doing, with what has happened to your family, I really admire that. So, Cheryl, thank you so much. 

[00:26:54] Cheryl Juaire: Thank you.

[00:27:00] Angela Kennecke: And thank you for spending time with us. To listen to more episodes, read my blog, or find resources for help with substance use disorder, check out our website, emilyshope. charity. You'll get a link in the show notes of this episode. Until next time, wishing you faith, hope, and courage.

This podcast is produced by Casey Wannenberg King and Anna Fye.